Almost Two Years?

Ramses and I have been hanging around together for almost 2 years! It’s hard to believe that we’ve come this far. When we got matched up in 2009, I didn’t know what I was getting myself in to (im sure he didn’t either!). He started off pretty quiet…maybe a little shy. But now he’ll think nothing of getting up and speaking in front of the group.
I’ve grown as a man since we’ve met and have been able to talk to him about just about anything. He’s been with me through a new job, a break up, new place to live; through thanksgiving and Christmas, birthdays and BBQs. Malibu (my pup) loves when Ramses comes over. Ramses has much more energy than I do so I leave him to the dog wrestling!
Because of Ramses, I’ve experienced both Snowboarding AND surfing in our time together. We both learned a bit more about each other those times. Because both of us are down to do just about anything, we’re taking advantage of all that YMC has to offer-which has been quite a bit so far.
I hope, at some point, I can make as much of an impact on him, as he is making on me.
Thanks for hanging with me Ramses….

Mark Encinias

1 Year +

About 1 year ago I met Daylajane at my first YMC bowling event through my company, Shout Factory. It’s easy for me to say, we clicked instantly. I’ll admit I was nervous, feeling much like a kid myself at 22, but if she was nervous, she never showed it. We paired up from the start and rented our bowling shoes, joking about how large my feet are and how bowling shoes only accentuate this (they are and they do). I found listening and talking to her easy. Not your average 16 year old, Daylajane was mature beyond my expectations. She was very forthcoming and I found our personalities to be similar, making it easier in the beginning to form a connection based on the things in life that we both value; honesty, communication, trust, and personal relationships.    

Now, a year later, when I look at these two pictures of us, the first on our match day and the second taken recently at a group session, I see four different people. The two kids who started this adventure in YMC and the two adults who are now really ready to own it.  (I also realized that we both change our hairstyles a lot.) Just over a year later, I am now 24 and Daylajane is just weeks away from turning 18, going to her senior prom and graduating high school. I can hardly contain my excitement for this coming year with Daylajane. She has so much ahead of her in the next few months and I am so excited to share some of her journey with her. My final semester of high school was HUGE – scary, exciting and so much to take in - and graduation day being one of the best days of my life and I wish the same for her. I never could have imagined Daylajane in my life at that time, but now, I can't imagine it without her.  Sounds cliché? Sure, but it's true.

Thank you Daylajane, YMC and Shout! Factory for an enriching and wonderful year (and many more) of mentoring.

-Samantha Pennacchio
YMC Mentor & Leadership Board Member

Journey Through Mentoring.

I thought I was still young at 37, that is until met Zena, my 17 year old mentee with multi- colored hair and multiple piercings, having volunteered for the WB mentoring program. As it turns out, I don’t have a clue what goes on in a 17 year old’s life, especially one from South Central LA, who’s afraid to go out after dark because of the gangs and who’s not even sure what nationality her father is, let alone who he is. Her 9 year old sister has a different father and he’s not around anymore either. Her Guatemalan mother works all hours in a factory to make ends meet and when she had cancer a few years ago, Zena took care of her and her young sister.

The situation for all the other kids in the program isn’t much different, some of them have even been in gangs but have managed to get out, sometimes like David at the cost and sadness of leaving their family hundreds of miles behind to keep them safe. Apparently it’s no myth of the danger of trying to leave a gang.

Birthdays are celebrated as an achievement, some don’t expect to see the next one. Isn’t this the stuff we just watch on the TV?

I had no idea what to expect from the program, I certainly had no idea it would make me laugh and cry as much as it did. The kids are encouraged to find their voice through various group activities, sometimes fun activities, sometimes serious. You can’t believe the contrast between their humor and spark through the fun activities and their vulnerability in the serious ones. We watched one of the strongest and most entertaining personalities, Marcus, a 6ft tall young black man, hang his head and describe how small he felt as he tried to apologize for accidentally bumping into somebody, but they just called him a nigger and hurled plenty more verbal abuse at him. I don’t think I can describe in words the atmosphere in the room as he relayed this incident and just how worthless it made him feel. Usually he had us in stitches but this day he had me in tears.

As for Zena, there was just something about her that made me want to get to know her and so I was very pleased when we were matched. As it turns out, she really wants to play the violin and loves to listen to classical music to de-stress. I play the violin and have a degree in classical music. We also found out more recently that we share the same Aquarius star sign so it seems we were drawn to each other somehow.

But now what? After a few group sessions, we started one-on-one sessions. This is where we could spend much more time getting to know each other but she soon stopped showing up to sessions. Since we only met every other week, a month could go by with little or no contact.

Then one Saturday we had agreed to spend the afternoon together. It wasn’t the first time we were meeting outside of the program, it wasn’t the first time I slightly nervously drove into South Central to pick her up, or the first time I got to see her gangland neighbor’s work on the building opposite – the name of their gang in 6ft high lettering sprawled across a warehouse wall. The artistry is actually quite impressive, if only they would put their talent to something more worthwhile.

However, this time she wasn’t there, and wasn’t answering her phone, or my knocking at the door (whilst the neighbors looked on wondering what the white girl was doing hanging around these parts). I waited for a while but after no sign gave up and went home. I was relieved when she showed up to the next session but this was a group session (group sessions and one-on-one session are alternated throughout the program) so we didn’t have much time to talk. But fortunately this was the poetry writing session where street poets come in to give guidance on poetry writing.

Everybody writes a poem before those that are brave enough are encouraged to read them out, cue more tears as the kids read out their heart wrenching stories. I will never forget Kike, another big strong young man who blew his heart open and ran out of the room in tears as he finished reading. Witnessing this, we were left to wipe away our own tears and pick up our jaws off the floor after tough guy Kike finished relaying the struggles and disappointments of his life in a few hundred powerful words.

Incidentally, Kike just graduated from high school - something he didn’t expect to do a few years ago.

I took my opportunity to write my poem about Zena and how I was feeling and my frustration at her “testing” of me, how I just wished she believed I really was there for her. This turned out to be our turning point. When we were asked to hand all the poems in at the end, she handed her own in but kept mine.

I think Zena expects to be let down. One of the things she told me was that she didn’t expect me to show up that particular Saturday I went to pick her up. Her father has never tried to have anything to do with her and her last mentor left the program to have a baby. Zena is very mature for her young years and understands that her last mentor had other important priorities and it wasn’t that she didn’t care. But I think from experience she expects to be let down whether it can be helped or not.

In the last few minutes of the poetry session as we were all saying goodbye, I rather sternly pointed out to her that I was committed to this and that it took both of us to be committed to get anything out of it. She was holding a couple of cookies at the time and just looked up and meekly said “cookie?” as she proffered said cookies in my direction. I took that as an apology for her absenteeism and she’s never let me down since.

Now that she was showing up, we got to talk more and this is when I began to realize just how little I know of what goes on in a 17 year old’s life. I literally don’t understand most of what she tells me, especially about school. It probably doesn’t help that I was brought up in England in a completely different system. She’s into music and so am I. I thought working for a record company before WB would help here but apparently not - the only band she likes that I know or have even heard of is Daft Punk, and even they are getting old now!

Something we definitely have in common is our sweet tooth so I started bringing her different chocolate treats from England which she loved. In return, one day she presented me with an all American bar of Hershey’s milk chocolate. I was more touched by the thoughtfulness of the gesture than she probably realized.

Zena loves film and would love to be an actress so when we manage to meet outside of the program, I try to take her to the movies. We went to see Toy Story 3 at El Capitan which she loved. Afterwards they had the extra entertainment where you could meet the characters or play games related to the movie. Zena decided she wanted a picture of us sat on an oversized armchair. As she handed her camera to an agreeable passer by, she turned to me and said “look cool.”

Those words struck instant panic in me. I’m just not cool. And I don’t have multicolored hair which puts me at an instant disadvantage. She struck up a funky pose whilst I crossed my legs, uncrossed them, leant against the arm of the chair and generally felt as awkward as possible. The picture was taken anyway. Zena looks cool. I don’t. In fact, we look like chalk and cheese but somehow we still manage to make a connection.

Some mentors have trouble getting more than a few words out of their mentee. We don’t have that problem, the only problem I have is the trouble in understanding most of what she tells me! She knows this but she also knows I keep listening anyway and I keep asking questions to try and better understand. I found out at the end of the program that this was very valuable to her. I don’t think there are as many people in Zena’s life that have time to really listen as there are in mine.

Taking part in the mentoring program is not always easy. I had a lot of doubt that I could do it, especially when Zena wasn’t showing up - I thought she must not like me and I didn’t know what to do about it. Her phone was constantly disconnected and she had little access to email so communication was very hard but now every time she gets connected again, she is the one to get in touch and I just trust now that she will be in touch when she can. This is big progress for us.

The program is so rewarding, especially when you hear that only about 24% of kids graduate from high school on average in their area but of those that take part in this program, 92 to 100% graduate - it just shows how far a little bit of encouragement can go to motivate them, as well as seeing a world outside of their world. There are those at the start that are so shy they can barely look you in the eye to say hello, but by the end they find the courage to speak to the whole group even though you can see they are still scared and still finding it difficult to speak with confidence, but at least it’s a first step and for them, it’s a huge one.

We are just beginning the next program and I’m very happy that Zena is back as she starts her final year of high school – I can’t wait to see her graduate and I have no doubt that she will. I’m excited to really start to get to know her. The last program seems like it was really only an introduction. This year she has declared that she is going to teach me how to be cool. In return, I will try to be a good student - but mainly, I just want to be there for her.

Rosalind - mentor to Zena

What if she doesn’t like Britney Spears?

I’m not going to lie, I was a little nervous when I first signed up to be a mentor. What if she thought I was lame?  I don’t have much contact with teenagers and I can be awkward, I admit it.  What if we didn’t have anything to talk about? WHAT IF SHE HATED BRITNEY SPEARS??!! (Disclosure: I’m a huge fan.) 

I’ve been Angie’s mentor for approximately a year now, and to this day, I’m amazed and absolutely delighted over how naturally our mentor-mentee relationship has blossomed.  Angie is really creative and we’re both interested in fashion and design.  I thought she’d enjoy learning how to make jewelry (which just so happens to be my favorite hobby), so I invited her to come with me to Santee Alley to pick out jewelry fixings, followed by a jewelry-making session at my place.  We must have spent hours lurking in the bead stores, wandering the aisles in search for the perfect beads and brainstorming design ideas together.  Finally, with our purchases and our Subway sandwiches in hand, we headed back to my place for a crash course in jewelry-making by yours truly. 

In the many hours that followed while we hung out making jewelry, our discussion ranged from designs and techniques to celebrity gossip and fashion to how she's doing in school, stories about our families and being the oldest daughters, and her goals in life.  Meanwhile, Angie took the basics I showed her and absolutely ran with it in the most fabulous way!  She ended up creating 1 gorgeous ring, 2 amazing necklaces, and 2 of the cutest bracelets (one was for her baby sister).

I had a blast, and when I got back from dropping Angie at home, my roommate told me that from her room, she could hear us chattering non-stop the entire time.  And so, I just wanted to thank YMC from the bottom of my heart for giving me the opportunity to meet and mentor the amazing Angie!

Oh, and ps: she’s ok with Britney.

-Nasya Lee

Everyone Should Have a Mariela

Hello, my name is Valentina and Iʼm stealing from a Los Angeles non-profit organization. There it is. I said it. Iʼm stealing from Youth Mentoring Connection. Each week I get much more than I could ever give as a Mentor of this unbelievable organization. I should have to pay. OK, a volunteer is a volunteer after all, but the benefits of being a Mentor are astounding and humbling so, yes, in a way I am stealing.

When I moved to Los Angeles almost 5 years ago, I came in pursuit of my dream as an actor. What became evident within 5 minutes was that I was in an industry that cared more about the “me” than the “we”. So I began looking for a place where I could establish Community and keep my sanity. All roads lead to YMC.

I went to the “Mentor/Mentee match-up mixer” with a sense of both intrigue and hesitation. It turned out to be a bowling event where Mentors and Mentees could find one another organically (much like a dreaded singles mixer, p.s.). Once I started talking to the young people though I was wooed by their intelligence, sincerity, and willingness to be who they are. Among all the “available” Mentees, there was one that stood out. She was loud and bossy, insecure and bright. I said to myself, “That girl scares me...please let me get paired up with the shy girl in the corner instead.” Nope. Didn't happen.

Mariela and I were destined for one another. We were matched up before we ever met, matched up from the moment both of us signed up to be in the Mentoring program. She reminded me of me at that age, a loud, bossy, insecure kid with wild light in her eyes.

Four years later Mariela and I (“Marientina”) are still going strong. No longer a McDonaldʼs-obsessed 12 year-old with scant interest in school, Mariela is now a beautiful young woman involved in organic cooking and excited about her future. We are mirrors for one another. She is a “little Buddha” who constantly speaks with such clarity and honesty that I have no choice but to fess up and deal with myself. We donʼt judge one another, we question. We donʼt criticize, we recommend. We donʼt blame, we thank.

There is a saying at Youth Mentoring Connection: once you have met the young people, heard their stories, felt both their heartache and their joy you have officially “drunk the Kool-Aid” and you will never be the same. Well, I drank it, folks, and now I brush my teeth with it, bath in it, and add it to my coffee in the morning.

So I am here, coming clean, and thanking Youth Mentoring Connection for generously allowing me to drink the Kool-Aid, year after year, without paying a dime.

-Valentina Garcia-Loste

Geoff & Rahzah's Story

I am what you might call structurally challenged. I would rather sit through 6 hours of Algebra class than run an errand to Home Depot. If a light in my kitchen goes out, I would sooner grab a lamp from the living room than change the thing. And if that weren’t sad enough, the cruel Fates of Youth Mentoring Connection matched me with an engineering and science genius named Rahzah.

Several Christmases ago, when Rahzah had reached the ripe old age of 12, I decided to get him this impossible-to-build motorcycle, helicopter, monster truck combination thing. It was like Legos on steroids and just looking at the box filled me with anxiety. The box came with about 40 plastic bags filled with rubber bands, mini screwdrivers, lugnuts, and more widgets that I can’t pronounce. It was like giving a child an Ikea Living Room set and asking him to get to work. Strangely enough though, Rahzah loved his Christmas present. And I loved that Rahzah loved it, and I loved it even more that he thought I was cool enough to help him put this beast together.

So twenty minutes into our project, Rahzah looks over at the section I’m working on and says, “That doesn’t look right.” To which I respond, “What do you mean? I’m doing exactly what the directions tell me to do.” And he says, “Why are you using the directions?” Calmly, I try on my most didactic mentor voice and explain to Rahzah that, “The directions are important.” He laughs (a bit too loudly, I thought), grabs my section, and says, “Watch.” He then scatters the 5,000 microscopic pieces all over the Living Room, and I’m forced to sit there in horror as he puts together the motorcycle, takes it apart, then builds it again as a helicopter. Never once glancing at the directions!

I was humbled, I was in awe, I was proud. I left Rahzah’s house grateful to have this young man in my life and even more grateful that he was so patient with his slightly dim-witted mentor.

Miguel & Me - A Mentoring Story

This is the first in a series of mentoring stories from YMC's Leadership Board.

I started mentoring Miguel in 1998. Early on I remember one of the kids in Miguel’s class asking if I was paid to show up. When I told him no, I could tell by the expression on his face that he had a hard time with the concept. He seemed to truly wonder what incentive I had for showing up. And in the beginning it’s always interesting to see how your mentee explains who you are to his friends.

But let's face it, our formal title of “Mentor” doesn't always feel right. Especially when the relationship is brand new.I think that quite often, from the kids perspective, you go from strange volunteer, to strange volunteer who keeps showing up. And then, eventually, (if you stick with it) you earn the title of mentor. But if you're really lucky (like I have been) even the title of mentor eventually stops sounding natural. After so many years have passed you begin to feel like an extended family member.

About halfway into my first year of mentoring, I showed up to meet with Miguel. I usually timed my visits to coincide with his morning recess. At this point I was unquestionably the best soccer goalie in the entire school. I still remember this moment vividly, I walked up to the outside of Miguel’s class just as the kids were lining up to go to recess. A few of the kids raced over to tell me that Miguel had gone home sick. I paused for a moment, thought about it, then said, "Well, is it OK if I stay and hang out with you guys." A few them reacted by jumping up and down, high-fiving each other and basically just celebrating my decision to stay. I love that about kids.

And it's no coincidence that on that day, my soccer performance supreme. I don't recall my exact statistics but I’m fairly sure the other team didn’t come close to scoring on me.Over twelve years have passed since I somewhat reluctantly made the one year commitment to become a mentor. It’s nearly impossible to sum up what the relationship has meant to me. After watching a curious boy grow into a confident man, a deep bond emerges. What I can say is that the decision to join a formal mentoring program remains one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Brandon Parker
YMC Leadership Board Chair

Who do you know?

There is a theory that the five closest people to you are a reflection of who you are. I am not talking about family. We don’t get a choice about having them in our lives. I am talking about the people whom we have chosen to be in our inner circles.

When I first got sober, I heard that I had to be ready to let go of my “lower companions.” These are the people who fed my addiction and dysfunction. And honestly there was only one. Even through my disease I have managed to surround myself with the phenomenal people. People who are inspirational , funny, loving, compassionate, intelligent, down to earth, righteous, powerful, and above all - men and women that challenge me to be a better person. When I fall down, they are there to see the best in me, and love me until I can love myself again. They hold me and lift me up until I can walk on my own. When I am living in my truth and filled with a sense of purpose and feeling at my best, they are there to celebrate and share in the joy.

I have a lofty goal. I want to change the world. I want to touch enough lives, hearts, and minds, which shift consciousness – allowing others to experience the unknown with openness and a willingness to put judgment aside.

That is why I have to tell my story. To make it okay for those who know me, to tell me their story, and then create a domino effect. Everyone has a story, whether you are from Bel Air or from South Central. It is a Human story. And that is how we change culture. When we see each other for ALL our humanity, and our mentors and our mentees are as human as they get - full of wounds and flaws and beauty and light, and the power to change the world.

So I ask you: What do the 5 closest people in your life say about you? What lofty goals do you have for your life, and are those people part of the solution, or are they part of the problem? Do they inspire you to be a better person? Do you inspire them to contribute to their own lives?

If you are reading this, I am willing to bet that you are already part of the answer. And for that I am eternally grateful. I have often said that I am the luckiest person in the world to do what I do because not only do I get to love for a living, but I get to do it with the cream of the crop of humanity. Which means that you must know some pretty amazing people… And now is your chance to give them the opportunity to be part of the revolution that is Youth Mentoring Connection.

We are launching our viral annual campaign and if you contact those 5 people who you know also want to make a difference, and they contact their 5 people, and so on and so on… Before we know it we will all be surrounded by light. Wow, how amazing would that be?

It's time for our annual campaign drive! Partner with us to mentor our youth from the threats of gang violence, drugs, and dropping out of school. Everyone who donates will be entered to win two tickets to our benefit concert with Jackson Browne in October.
YOUR DONATION WILL CHANGE LIVES! Donate here: Youth Mentoring Connection Annual Campaign

TMI

(TOO MUCH INFORMATION)

I really did fight becoming a part of the avalanche of social media for as long as I possibly could. I had heard and seen the outrageous things our teens were posting on this thing called My Space, and I wanted none of it! I already knew enough thank you very much, and I was going to hold on to that tiny little life boat floating down my favorite river – denial. But, I was coerced by a certain Irish geek, that it would benefit YMC in the long run – so I did it. I hung the cattle bell around my naïve neck and plunged into the Facebook abyss. It was fun at first. As a matter of fact I became pretty obsessed. Finding friends from long ago, checking out what my nephews were up to 3, 000 miles away in Colombia, and fulfilling a voyeuristic need I never knew I had. I posted my status like a duty to humanity. I hoarded friends to validate that “you like me, you really like me!” And oh yeah, I promoted this phenomenal organization I am privileged to work with.

It was a good run for a while, until it happened. My “babies” started to “friend” me. Past and present mentees found me and wanted me as their friend! I loved it! My ego was being nicely stroked – I was cool. In the throws of my infatuation, I checked for people’s status throughout the day – I have always admitted to being nosy so this was heaven! Harmless right? NOT!!!! Suddenly my “pure as the driven snow” kids were posting all their business. What they did the night before, with whom and how much, pictures of themselves that could only qualify as soft porn, and of course all and any criminal activity they partook in. FOR REAL????? ARE YOU KIDDING????? This is exactly why I avoided that other website! Now I have to gouge my eyes out, and get a lobotomy. Thanks!

Seriously though, it is imperative that our youth learn that not only is it unnecessary to post how many time they are going to the bathroom, but that colleges, employers and law enforcement use these sites to evaluate, verify, or indict our young people and their activities.
Our society is loosing touch with each other – let’s peel ourselves away from that glossy screen and look into each other eyes and talk. And let’s go by this general rule – if you wouldn’t show it to your mom, don’t post it!

Juliana

I love us!

“That was my favorite part of the day!” Tony exclaimed talking about how he and our staff jumped into action when two of our young men were about to throw down at one of our sessions. He beams as he recall how he and Free, our youth support staff, instinctively foresaw when Juan had had enough of Jose’s goading and were on him before he could actually land a punch, while Monk took over facilitation seamlessly. “I love it because, we can’t do anything about it until it shows up – and it showed up!” 

This is why I love us… because we welcome our youth to show up with their wounds, because we run towards what is scary, when most would run. Because we go there – yeah, I said it, we go there. We create the space where our young people can access their emotions not matter how much it may frighten them. Where we challenge them to write their “Last Words”, and for the first time Graciela silently weeps and talks about her shame at never having expressed love towards her brother, or where Alicia talks about how the scar she got in a car accident makes her feel ugly, or when they finally find their voice during our poetry session like Jonathan did on Tuesday at our Paramount session. He wrote:

In my dreams I see myself helping my mom, and getting her worries out.

Showing her I lover her and thanking her for working hard for my brother and me.

In the night I wish I had a father who would help m and play soccer with me.

I cry and cry when I see kids having fun with their father.

I pray to God that one day I become a man with money to help my mother

And help those who need help.

I am so thankful to God for the family and friends I have,

But when I wake up, I wonder if these are just dreams.

As Jonathan wept speaking about his longing for a father, he knew he was surrounded by a community that would not judge him because he had heard mentors and mentees speak about the scars that still stung them.

“Our gifts lie next to our wounds” – and oh the gifts they have brought us. So here is to our wounds! Celebrate them, explore them, accept them and then welcome the beauty that hid behind the pain.

Juliana

And I will never leave you alone.

As a slightly OCD program coordinator, I'm always elated when kids are responsive, mentors are consistent, and everything goes according to plan. But for better or worse, the core work really happens when things get messy.

Case in point: two months ago we began a Tuesday evening cohort with Adams Middle School. All the kids were new to mentoring - they were deferential, engaged, and had 100% attendance at several sessions. I thought it was a dream come true! It turns out, it was just a honeymoon period. Now that they're comfortable with us, the fun has started.

I've learned that we have a trio of boys who are neighbors, and need to spend every waking moment together - much like middle school girls heading to the bathroom in a pack. They are way too cool for school. They are alternately angry and wiltingly shy. Two out of the three are being hit up by gangbangers on a regular basis. They will literally turn sideways to avoid eye contact when I try to talk to them. They like to do things like run away as soon as their mentors arrive.

I love them so much.

I had the following exchange with their pack leader yesterday after I'd been talking to them for a few minutes:
B: Man, can't you just leave us alone?
Me: I will never leave you alone.
B: No, I mean like, right now!!!!!!!

You know what's so great about taking crap from tough little 13-year-olds? That they're engaging with me. That somewhere, deep down inside, I imagine they really like the adult attention. That I've seen kids like this crack open, three years later. I'm keeping the faith that they will too, if we can keep them with us.

So, I say, dish it out, little man. We're not going anywhere. And now, I get to hustle to support these mentoring relationships, which have gotten that much more complicated, but that much more real.

Sarah

Number One Supporter

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Mentor-Mentee Snowboarding

Two of YMC's mentor-mentee matches joined Stoked Mentoring (in collaboration with Boarding House Mentors) for a snowboarding trip last weekend. Here's what they had to say:

"We ALLL had soooo much fun learning how to snowboard! Thank you so much for the invite AND we thanked STOKED several times for the invitation as well. They were so NICE and welcoming. I am definitely going back!!! It was my first time snowboarding, Tania's as well. Brenda and I loved it, Christy and Tania did have a bit of a rough patch in the beginning, since it was a bit tough getting the hang of it (with all the falling we did, they didn't enjoy that part). Tania enjoyed the snowboarding after the second go around. OVERALL, great trip and bonding with all the ladies! THANKS AGAIN!!!"
- Carol Diaz (Tania's Mentor)

"The Stoked members extended a very warm welcome to us and made us feel like part of the group. Cristy had a great time and I feel like it strengthened our relationship. Stoked incorporates action sports to help teens improve their self esteem and perservere and work through challenges and unfamiliar territory (first timers doing action sports). I'm glad we were able to participate and take advantage of such a great experience. "

- Brenda Felix (Cristy's Mentor)

Thank you to Stoked Mentoring and YMC's mentors for providing such a wonderful and challenging learning opportunity to our mentees.

Wednesday's Word On The Street: I Love YMC

Throughout my lifetime, I’ve been blessed with many gifts, and Youth Mentoring Connection happens to be one those gifts. I joined YMC because although I had role models who set great examples for me and many people who would die to see me succeed, I wanted to create bond with someone who would let Gerica be Gerica. I wanted to be able to talk freely, laugh freely, vent freely; create a relationship that I knew would last. And no relationship lasts longer than a family. That’s exactly what YMC is. They encourage me, teach me, help me, push me (in a GREAT way), they are EXTREMELY patient with me, and they love me.

YMC is also one of those gifts that just decided to keep on giving. In August of 2009 I began my freshman year of college at San Jose State University as a Film major. I am so proud to say that my family (YMC) has helped me get here. I never knew exactly what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing until I found something that had a combination of two of my many strengths; creativity and command. With film I am able to “direct”, which translates to me as “bossing people around” and put forth my leadership skills. With film I am also able to edit footage and create many different projects that can portray my view of whichever the content of the footage is.

I always knew that YMC loved me but they put a heavy duty lock on that box when they added the Urban Oasis Film Academy to their list of programs. I was blessed to have been a part of the first film produced by the academy, which has led to many other great things. Our film was featured in the Los Angeles Film Festival’s Future Filmmakers Showcase. I participated in the “Digital Dreams” film panel at the Pan African Film Festival. I also have a College Internship granted by the City of San Jose through Work2Future. I am placed at San Jose Jazz, a non-profit organization, and I am editing footage from 2009 of their annual film festival and also putting together a video for their website.

I really am grateful for YMC and I will never forget or take for granted the love and guidance they have shown me.

I love Youth Mentoring Connection!

Gerica Preston

From a Mentor

Last Thursday, our Adams Yabos participated in a session called "Mentee Summit." Mentees form a panel, and mentors listen as the youth discuss topics that the group has voted on. One of our mentors, Fara Phillips, was kind enough to let us share her experience of the session:

"I found last night’s session to be a really powerful experience, especially the talk about gangs. The world these kids live in is so different from any I’ve ever known. I mean, we know these things already but hearing it from a kid sitting across from you has a much stronger impact than seeing it on TV or reading it in the paper. It’s so frustrating to hear middle and upper class folks sitting in their comfortable suburban homes who so often blame the kids, having no idea what their lives are like, the pressures and the sometimes subtle (and understandable) slide into hopelessness that leads to giving in. The percentage of kids who have been directly exposed to violence, seen folks die, and who know repeat offenders is staggering – again, we know it but now we KNOW it.

"It’s so easy to armchair coach someone else’s life. The fact that these kids are so young and are already facing such issues is a powerful social commentary. The experience will stay with me a long time. The kids seemed to enjoy having the chance to speak out as well. I was happy to see that at least for now Victoria [Fara's mentee] wasn’t one of those kids raising their hand."

At YMC, mentoring is half of what we do. According to our mission statement, "our vision is of a community where young people are truly seen and not just watched, where society understands and accepts its responsibility in meeting the needs of all young people." Through bringing diverse adults and youth together, we have aspirations of social and cultural change.

At the end of the session, our facilitator Hoolie asked the mentees what it was like to have adults listen to them. The overwhelming response was that it felt awesome, and that it felt new. For one night, mission accomplished.

Wednesday's Word on the Street: In Memory of a Girl

YMC doesn't need to speak on behalf of children... Our kids can speak for themselves! At a recent Odyssey mentoring session facilitated by our partners Street Poets, our mentors and mentees brought their souls into the room.

One of our mentees, a brilliant and guarded 14-year-old, was brave enough to read the poem below to a room full of 80 people... and now she's allowed us to share her poem with you:

In memory of a girl
who used to laugh and smile for no reason at all
A girl who used to stick her chest out with her head help up high, nice and tall.
I find myself wondering, who I am to be brilliant, beautiful, and talented?
The voices in my head scream at me to hide the person that lies within
because that person no one understands,
the pain, the hurt, now one gives a damn.
The blood I bleed, the tears I shed, my highs and lows are gone.
He kicked, stabbed and broke my heart,
to the point where me and my self esteem fell apart.
I’m not beautiful,
I wish these people would stop lying because I’m internally dying,
to be this person I’m not,
happy, beautiful and talented.
I wish the pain would stop.
I wish people would quit saying I’m pretty or beautiful
because I know that I’m not.
I don’t want to be happy and I don’t want to smile,
I want to be left alone with my tears and sorrows,
and even some days I wished
that I wouldn’t see tomorrow.


... And her mentor was right there with her when she read her poem. The greeting we use, "Sawubona," means "I see you." Her mentor got to let her know that she heard her - the real her - and she was still going to be there. That's the miracle of mentoring.

A Mentor's Story

I remember first meeting Tony LoRe at the beach for the surfing program Boarding House Mentors about 4 years ago. A friend had been volunteering that summer and asked if I wanted to come and check it out. I remember attending a mentoring session as a guest, and I remember meeting my mentee Imelda when the new mentoring session started. Imelda was the first girl I had spoken to during the meet and greet bowling session. I remember being nervous about the match-up. Was I going to be a good mentor? How was I going to be a good mentor? Would she respond to me? Would we have anything in common? Would I make a difference in this person’s life? Good grief, could I do this? No pressure.

I remember during one of our one-on-one sessions, Imelda asked me why I became a mentor. I told Imelda that I was looking to volunteer somewhere as I was at a point in my life that I wanted to give back. I told Imelda, as an Asian Immigrant in the bible belt of Tennessee, I had a hard time growing up as a non-Caucasian girl in the South. I didn’t have elders or mentors – I wanted to give what I didn’t have (but I wanted and needed) growing up. I remembered the words from the training session – “Be honest, be open, be yourself – they can smell the BS.”

Was I going to be a good mentor? I didn’t know, but I kept showing up for the mentoring sessions twice a month and I “played full out”. That was all that YMC had asked of me.

How was I going to be a good mentor? With the support of Tony and Juliana (with Sarah, Leslie, Derrion and Stewart), I was able to watch and learn during the group sessions once a month as they taught the kids (and the mentors) to take risks, take chances to trust, to let people in, to get out of your comfort zone, to play full out, be present and be open.

Would she respond to me? I remember doing an exercise in one of our group sessions, and Imelda shared that she trusted no one. Imelda was a friendly and gregarious personality, but she trusted no one. No one had trusted her – especially her mother. I remember the summer after our first year together, we were at the beach for the surfing program. Imelda got off the bus, walked over to me and confided in me that she took my advice. She had finally and nervously had a conversation with her mother about their relationship. Ime told me that they were really able to talk to each other for the first time. In between her tears, Ime told me, “She said that she was really worried about me. She told me she really loved me.” My heart was so happy for her.

Would we have anything in common? As the oldest daughter of an immigrant family, having most of the household responsibilities, reading/translating English for your parents, taking care of the siblings, having an overprotective mother who didn’t want you to make the same mistakes as she did, and struggling financially. Is this me or Ime? TTP – “Trust the Process!”

Would I make a difference in this person’s life? During the last Big Bear Girls’ Initiation retreat in October, Ime shocked me. Ime has the most infectious smile and she is a personality, but she has always struggled to express her thoughts and feelings. But one night during the Street Poets led activity, Ime wrote a poem and read it sharing it with all of us.

The Light

I found a Light when I needed it the most.

I found a Light that has understood me from the start.

I found a Light that told me things will turn out right.

I found a Light that helped me find my light.

My light is now strong and bright.

My light was found with the help of the Light.

The Light that loves me,

And I have learned to love mine.

Juliana kept looking at me as Ime read the poem, and half way through it I started bawling when I realized that she had written it about me. I was floored. I was amazed. I was humbled. She found her light. She learned to love her own light. For Pete’s sake, she called me the Light! I’m crying again…

In the YMC Mentor Training Manual there’s a quote by Keith Geiger: “The most crucial role for a mentor is to be an adult who has time for a young person, who cares about that young person, and who believes in that young person. This relationship may provide the ONLY stability a student knows, and the only time anyone spends quality time with the mentee.”

Sometimes there’s so much crap in front of us (in our lives), it’s hard to see anything else. And maybe, all I really can do or am supposed to do (while I have the chance) is raise the mirror in front of her face and flicker on the light so that she can also see what I see in her.

Ime hears gunshots at night. Her younger brother is not allowed to walk around the neighborhood by himself because of gang violence. Ime works to help support her family. She has struggled and gone through depression. But Ime’s also the first in her family to graduate from high school. Ime is caring, compassionate, loving and kind. She just got her driver’s permit (yikes!) and she’s optimistically thinking about college and trying to figure out what she wants for her future. Ime is a beautiful human being, I love her and I am very grateful to have her in my life.

I remember one Initiation Retreat two years ago – it was a week after my mom had passed away from breast cancer. I had committed to be a mentor for the retreat…and I went. I remember the first night as the girls started getting off the bus, the first thing I heard was Ime’s voice, “Where’s Danni?” I felt her voice chipping away at the numbness in my heart. I showed up and the girls and the staff showed up for me. My heart was breaking, I was confused and I was calm all at the same time.

One night during the retreat, sixteen year old Dineisha who had lost both of her parents came up to me and said, “Maybe your mom wasn’t able to take care of you the way she wanted to, but now she can.” The wisdom and resilience of these youth – who have grown up with violence, born to drug addicted mothers and absent fathers, who have been neglected, abused, ignored and forgotten by their community and the government – astounds me. The growth and transformation I’ve been privileged to witness in these beautiful young men and women – humbles me. The unconditional love, support and dedication of the YMC staff – inspires me.

I have learned that when I show up for these kids trying to reflect back to them what I see in them – their gifts, their talents, their potential, I have found that people show up for me in my life and reflect back to me what they see in me – my gifts, my talents and my potential.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself...Serve and thou shalt be served.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The focus of this program will be on the one to one relationship between mentor and mentee, with emphasis on developing happy, healthy lives, trust, self confidence, empowerment and a vision for the future.” Change 2 lives, become a mentor – indeed.

I love your guts YMC!

Sawubona (I see you),

Danni aka La Lupe