Paramount Pictures Mentors and Their Mentees Give Back

Right before the holidays, our LeConte Middle School youth teamed up with their mentors from Paramount Studios to give a little something back to the community. Our mentor/mentee groups worked together to build and decorate tasty gingerbread houses that would then be given as gifts to Covenant House - a place decicated to helping homeless youth and their families. The old cliche is true, though - it feels good to give. Constructing these houses was not only an excuse to have some laughs and be creative, but it served as yet another opportunity to bring our youth and their mentors a little closer together. Even though the holiday season is just now in our rear view mirror, it's nice to take a moment to remember what this time of year was really all about. Thanks everyone!

Viacom's Slang Pictionary

In our recent session with Viacom, mentees and mentors participated in Slang Pictionary! We started off with a generation exchange where our matches had the opportunity to share their experiences in high school- trends, music, politics, culture and anything in between. Then we transitioned to our slang pictionary where mentees and mentors had to draw slang, or informal terms that are currently being used or were used. It was a great session that allowed our matches to learn the different terms they use or used growing up and the different experiences associated with them!

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee - Jose & Jewel

"I would like to thank my mentor for taking me to places I have never been before. She was very nice to me. She always asked how I felt and I thought that was very touching. From this program I learned that with education you can achieve anything. My mentor Jewel is the best!"

-Jose

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Linda & Yvonne

"Besides being an amazing person and being the person who could guide me in the time I needed her the most. She became a part of my family and one of the greatest gifts ymc has ever given me.She loved me and helped me. She was there for me and allowed me to grow and I learn to be open to new experiences and to play full out. That is why I can see myself".

-Yvonne

From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

Reflections after 4 days in the Big Bear Mountains with 18 mentors and 45 young men from some of the most difficult neighborhoods in Los Angeles, using elemental knowledge, indigenous practice, ritual and love to awaken our wounds, heal, discover our gifts and accomplish together

what we cannot do alone. 

There is also calm after the storm

A subsiding of feelings born

From love for young men torn

Between faith to homies mourned

Fear of the gods we scorned

And new life wanting to take form

We went to the mountain to remember our names
Given by spirit before nightmares came
Informed by the wind, water and flame
With a prayer that the streets may someday change
The earth under our feet won’t feel the same
When anger meets love and trust trumps blame
From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

Youth asks me: Can I have the life I desire?
The one I asked for when facing the fire?
Can I learn to forgive the thief and the liar?
And release these habits in which I’m mired.

To walk this earth as the man I wish to be
I must forgive the thief in me
The one that stole my dignity
Will you absolve me first? That’s my plea
Will you look past my actions to really see?
The wounds that need healing inside of me
My actions are a scream that “I” must become “we”
Until then no man is truly free
“in lakesh” – you are the other me

Will the elder in me find the love to maintain
My purpose when faced with this mountain of pain
That descends from the heavens like torrential rain
Yes “from the heavens” is correctly named
God sends us this challenge, it’s simple and plain

It’s ours to tame judgment and blame

From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

So break my heart, I can take it

Challenge compassion, maybe you’ll wake it

Up in me, so I don’t have to fake it

I steal from your youth just a little bit

The ingredients of life. I’m hangin onto it

Mix in some wisdom for a perfect fit

It’s a grand feast. Let’s partake in it.

Coming down from the mountain we’re never the same

Transformed by god's breath feeding our flame

Can both youth and elder hold onto our game

Through each other’s hearts we remember our name

From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

Tony LoRe

I love us!

“That was my favorite part of the day!” Tony exclaimed talking about how he and our staff jumped into action when two of our young men were about to throw down at one of our sessions. He beams as he recall how he and Free, our youth support staff, instinctively foresaw when Juan had had enough of Jose’s goading and were on him before he could actually land a punch, while Monk took over facilitation seamlessly. “I love it because, we can’t do anything about it until it shows up – and it showed up!” 

This is why I love us… because we welcome our youth to show up with their wounds, because we run towards what is scary, when most would run. Because we go there – yeah, I said it, we go there. We create the space where our young people can access their emotions not matter how much it may frighten them. Where we challenge them to write their “Last Words”, and for the first time Graciela silently weeps and talks about her shame at never having expressed love towards her brother, or where Alicia talks about how the scar she got in a car accident makes her feel ugly, or when they finally find their voice during our poetry session like Jonathan did on Tuesday at our Paramount session. He wrote:

In my dreams I see myself helping my mom, and getting her worries out.

Showing her I lover her and thanking her for working hard for my brother and me.

In the night I wish I had a father who would help m and play soccer with me.

I cry and cry when I see kids having fun with their father.

I pray to God that one day I become a man with money to help my mother

And help those who need help.

I am so thankful to God for the family and friends I have,

But when I wake up, I wonder if these are just dreams.

As Jonathan wept speaking about his longing for a father, he knew he was surrounded by a community that would not judge him because he had heard mentors and mentees speak about the scars that still stung them.

“Our gifts lie next to our wounds” – and oh the gifts they have brought us. So here is to our wounds! Celebrate them, explore them, accept them and then welcome the beauty that hid behind the pain.

Juliana

A Mentor's Story

I remember first meeting Tony LoRe at the beach for the surfing program Boarding House Mentors about 4 years ago. A friend had been volunteering that summer and asked if I wanted to come and check it out. I remember attending a mentoring session as a guest, and I remember meeting my mentee Imelda when the new mentoring session started. Imelda was the first girl I had spoken to during the meet and greet bowling session. I remember being nervous about the match-up. Was I going to be a good mentor? How was I going to be a good mentor? Would she respond to me? Would we have anything in common? Would I make a difference in this person’s life? Good grief, could I do this? No pressure.

I remember during one of our one-on-one sessions, Imelda asked me why I became a mentor. I told Imelda that I was looking to volunteer somewhere as I was at a point in my life that I wanted to give back. I told Imelda, as an Asian Immigrant in the bible belt of Tennessee, I had a hard time growing up as a non-Caucasian girl in the South. I didn’t have elders or mentors – I wanted to give what I didn’t have (but I wanted and needed) growing up. I remembered the words from the training session – “Be honest, be open, be yourself – they can smell the BS.”

Was I going to be a good mentor? I didn’t know, but I kept showing up for the mentoring sessions twice a month and I “played full out”. That was all that YMC had asked of me.

How was I going to be a good mentor? With the support of Tony and Juliana (with Sarah, Leslie, Derrion and Stewart), I was able to watch and learn during the group sessions once a month as they taught the kids (and the mentors) to take risks, take chances to trust, to let people in, to get out of your comfort zone, to play full out, be present and be open.

Would she respond to me? I remember doing an exercise in one of our group sessions, and Imelda shared that she trusted no one. Imelda was a friendly and gregarious personality, but she trusted no one. No one had trusted her – especially her mother. I remember the summer after our first year together, we were at the beach for the surfing program. Imelda got off the bus, walked over to me and confided in me that she took my advice. She had finally and nervously had a conversation with her mother about their relationship. Ime told me that they were really able to talk to each other for the first time. In between her tears, Ime told me, “She said that she was really worried about me. She told me she really loved me.” My heart was so happy for her.

Would we have anything in common? As the oldest daughter of an immigrant family, having most of the household responsibilities, reading/translating English for your parents, taking care of the siblings, having an overprotective mother who didn’t want you to make the same mistakes as she did, and struggling financially. Is this me or Ime? TTP – “Trust the Process!”

Would I make a difference in this person’s life? During the last Big Bear Girls’ Initiation retreat in October, Ime shocked me. Ime has the most infectious smile and she is a personality, but she has always struggled to express her thoughts and feelings. But one night during the Street Poets led activity, Ime wrote a poem and read it sharing it with all of us.

The Light

I found a Light when I needed it the most.

I found a Light that has understood me from the start.

I found a Light that told me things will turn out right.

I found a Light that helped me find my light.

My light is now strong and bright.

My light was found with the help of the Light.

The Light that loves me,

And I have learned to love mine.

Juliana kept looking at me as Ime read the poem, and half way through it I started bawling when I realized that she had written it about me. I was floored. I was amazed. I was humbled. She found her light. She learned to love her own light. For Pete’s sake, she called me the Light! I’m crying again…

In the YMC Mentor Training Manual there’s a quote by Keith Geiger: “The most crucial role for a mentor is to be an adult who has time for a young person, who cares about that young person, and who believes in that young person. This relationship may provide the ONLY stability a student knows, and the only time anyone spends quality time with the mentee.”

Sometimes there’s so much crap in front of us (in our lives), it’s hard to see anything else. And maybe, all I really can do or am supposed to do (while I have the chance) is raise the mirror in front of her face and flicker on the light so that she can also see what I see in her.

Ime hears gunshots at night. Her younger brother is not allowed to walk around the neighborhood by himself because of gang violence. Ime works to help support her family. She has struggled and gone through depression. But Ime’s also the first in her family to graduate from high school. Ime is caring, compassionate, loving and kind. She just got her driver’s permit (yikes!) and she’s optimistically thinking about college and trying to figure out what she wants for her future. Ime is a beautiful human being, I love her and I am very grateful to have her in my life.

I remember one Initiation Retreat two years ago – it was a week after my mom had passed away from breast cancer. I had committed to be a mentor for the retreat…and I went. I remember the first night as the girls started getting off the bus, the first thing I heard was Ime’s voice, “Where’s Danni?” I felt her voice chipping away at the numbness in my heart. I showed up and the girls and the staff showed up for me. My heart was breaking, I was confused and I was calm all at the same time.

One night during the retreat, sixteen year old Dineisha who had lost both of her parents came up to me and said, “Maybe your mom wasn’t able to take care of you the way she wanted to, but now she can.” The wisdom and resilience of these youth – who have grown up with violence, born to drug addicted mothers and absent fathers, who have been neglected, abused, ignored and forgotten by their community and the government – astounds me. The growth and transformation I’ve been privileged to witness in these beautiful young men and women – humbles me. The unconditional love, support and dedication of the YMC staff – inspires me.

I have learned that when I show up for these kids trying to reflect back to them what I see in them – their gifts, their talents, their potential, I have found that people show up for me in my life and reflect back to me what they see in me – my gifts, my talents and my potential.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself...Serve and thou shalt be served.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The focus of this program will be on the one to one relationship between mentor and mentee, with emphasis on developing happy, healthy lives, trust, self confidence, empowerment and a vision for the future.” Change 2 lives, become a mentor – indeed.

I love your guts YMC!

Sawubona (I see you),

Danni aka La Lupe

Out of the Darkness comes the Light

One of the things I am most proud of at Youth Mentoring is our approach. We call it a gift centered approach in which we “see” our young people’s gifts, and understand that sometimes, actually most times, these gifts lie right next to their wounds. And these wounds run deep… so deep at times that they are afraid to look at them much less talk about them. So I have to be patient, not a quality I am known for I will admit. But I do not walk away, no matter what, and eventually, the door opens ever so slowly and cautiously – and I stick my toe in! And I wait.

I have been having a similar conversation with two of my “babies”. One is a young woman I have known for about 6 years, and the other is a now a man who I have known for about 15 years, and they have both held me at arms length while holding on to me fiercely. They always tell me they are “fine” or “okay”, or how “they can handle it” as their eyes punch me in the heart with their pain. And I wait.

Then, she writes me a letter on her graduation, telling me how I always talked to her about letting me in, but I was the only one who she let in – I was the only one she let in…. she explains. How she will miss me when she goes to college. And she loves me.

We are talking about basketball, and how he can’t give it up because it helps him escape, and what he is escaping from, and I listen. He slept that night “real good”.

The light always comes…

Juliana

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