Friday, December 24, 2010

A Path of Generosity - Something Santa Told Me

As I do this work in the less fortunate neighborhoods of Los Angeles I am constantly inspired by those who have so little and yet who walk a path of generosity and love. Jeiser, our young intern at YMC, took a big step on that path yesterday. When I got to my desk and saw the small envelope with a Christmas card inside and inside the card was a $5 gift card for the “Food for Less” store. The card simply read “thank you Tony for everything you do for me”. Then the buzz around the office started. Jeiser had left similar cards for everyone. There were some who said “We can’t accept these. He can’t afford this!” However, when somebody gives you something, you rob them of their giving if you don’t receive it openly. So in receiving Jeiser’s gift we honor him and complete the flow of giving and receiving.

Jeiser, Derrion, Allisha
and George (Jeiser's Mentor)
Some were simply moved to tears by his simple act. Spontaneously a collection was taken up to give back to Jeiser. My first thought was that we should just accept his gift and honor this spiritual practice that he had found. But then I realized that he had simply stepped into the flow and that’s how it happens: a small act of generosity begets another and the flow of giving and receiving envelopes us all.  I am reminded of how much joy it gives Jeiser when he does a task around the office that helps someone else. I’ll catch him sneaking a peak at me when I go in the kitchen just to see my reaction to his spotless cleaning of the coffee machine because he knows that gives me pleasure. So, today Jeiser is our teacher. For the next few days as my family and friends gather and gifts are exchanged I will set aside concerns for a consumer culture (plenty of time to pick those back up later) and just give witness to the joy that giving brings to those who give.
There are those who give with joy,
and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain,
and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving,
nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley
the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks,
and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

Kahlil Gibran

peace and blessings,

Tony

PS Boojie (who came up with the title for this blog) would like to add that "giving feels better than getting"!
Boojie the wise



Thursday, December 23, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What if she doesn’t like Britney Spears?

I’m not going to lie, I was a little nervous when I first signed up to be a mentor. What if she thought I was lame?  I don’t have much contact with teenagers and I can be awkward, I admit it.  What if we didn’t have anything to talk about? WHAT IF SHE HATED BRITNEY SPEARS??!! (Disclosure: I’m a huge fan.) 

I’ve been Angie’s mentor for approximately a year now, and to this day, I’m amazed and absolutely delighted over how naturally our mentor-mentee relationship has blossomed.  Angie is really creative and we’re both interested in fashion and design.  I thought she’d enjoy learning how to make jewelry (which just so happens to be my favorite hobby), so I invited her to come with me to Santee Alley to pick out jewelry fixings, followed by a jewelry-making session at my place.  We must have spent hours lurking in the bead stores, wandering the aisles in search for the perfect beads and brainstorming design ideas together.  Finally, with our purchases and our Subway sandwiches in hand, we headed back to my place for a crash course in jewelry-making by yours truly. 

In the many hours that followed while we hung out making jewelry, our discussion ranged from designs and techniques to celebrity gossip and fashion to how she's doing in school, stories about our families and being the oldest daughters, and her goals in life.  Meanwhile, Angie took the basics I showed her and absolutely ran with it in the most fabulous way!  She ended up creating 1 gorgeous ring, 2 amazing necklaces, and 2 of the cutest bracelets (one was for her baby sister).

I had a blast, and when I got back from dropping Angie at home, my roommate told me that from her room, she could hear us chattering non-stop the entire time.  And so, I just wanted to thank YMC from the bottom of my heart for giving me the opportunity to meet and mentor the amazing Angie!

Oh, and ps: she’s ok with Britney.

-Nasya Lee

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

CHLA Junior Matches!



Here are your matches for CHLA Junior 2010-2011!

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Tiffney & America

"I would like to thank my mentor for being there for me and supporting me through the ups and the downs. I knew she cared because she listened to what I had to tell her, and she always came to the group sessions and one-on-ones. From this program I learned I have to maintain good grades. I learned that people hear me better if I am patient".

-America

Thursday, December 16, 2010

MTV/BET 12.15.2010


During the last session of the year, the MTV/BET program played the white elephant game.

Paramount I and II 12.14.2010


Mentees played the white elephant game for the last meeting session this year, before going on break for the Holidays.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

CHLA JR Second Meet & Greet!



Mentors and Mentees get to really know each other!

CHLA III Year End Celebration



CHLA III ends the program with some karoke!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Mentoring, Giving and Consumer Culture

 “Give whatever you give with love. Then even the tiniest pebble you offer will have great meaning. Its fruit will come back to you a thousand fold, because it is not the pebble that you give, it is love.”
 
From the book: “Resonate with Stillness” by Gurumayi

Mentors often ask us for guidelines on appropriate gifting for their mentees. The following advice may be helpful for uncles, aunts, teachers, coaches, and others as well. Sometimes in our desire to serve and to be giving we end up promoting this culture of consumerism and devaluing what we really have to offer our youth. So, here are some guidelines to accompany the thoughtful gesture of “giving”.

It is certainly okay to give your mentee a modest gift for the holidays, or for his/her birthday. However, please keep in mind that when you give of yourself (your time, energy and caring) you offer the greatest gift of all.

For material gifting, here are some things to consider:
 
  • Keep it simple and inexpensive. When your gift is too extravagant you risk being seen as a source for material goods, which changes the nature of the relationship.
  • Gifts that say, “I’m thinking of you” or “I really value this relationship” are the best. Some examples would be a framed photo of you and your mentee at an activity; or something relevant to what you’ve been discussing together, such as a book on careers, or a sports book, or something simple related to your culture. 
  • A good alternative to a material gift would be to take your mentee someplace special.
  • Do not give your mentee a gift that his/her family could not afford.
  • Never give your mentee a gift in the presence of other mentor/mentee pairs. Some students may receive gifts and others might not, which creates problems at school and resentful students. This may also put other mentors in a difficult position.
  • If you are part of a work-site mentoring program your company may decide to give a gift to each of the students participating in the program. That’s okay, because it is seen as coming from the organization, and doesn’t impinge on your individual relationship. It is still recommended that the gifts be modest.
  • If you know that your mentee has a real need for something you can provide, but doesn’t fit into the parameters above, you may want to find a creative way for the mentee to earn it or ‘win’ it from the program. This challenges you to examine your motives, because you don’t get to be the generous ‘Santa’. It is the program that is giving the gift and not you. We believe that in the long run this will serve you, your mentee, and her family better.

Again, we want our youth to understand that the purpose of having a mentor is not to receive cool gifts, but to develop a friendship with a caring adult.

Examine your motives and then give with love.

Peace and blessings,

Tony

Friday, December 10, 2010

Friday's Follow-Up

It happens all the time in heaven
Read Tony's blog about how some things are not too different from how they were 700 years ago.

Tuesday with Mentor & Mentee - Monica & Monica
Monica thanks her mentor Monica for showing up for her and showing her that strength rather than weakness is what makes your character.

CHLA III Closure!
Check out the pictures from our Children's Hospital III closure session!

CHLA IV White Elephant
Check out the pictures from our Children's Hospital IV Holiday Celebration!

Thoughts on the DREAM Act
Read Agueda's blog about the DREAM Act debate.

Have a great weekend!


Agueda

Agueda's Thoughts on the Dream Act

When listening to the DREAM Act debate on C-SPAN I could not help but feel that those opposed to the bill were simply voicing their fear; fear of the unknown; fear of those they do not know, cannot identify with or do not understand.

Opponents of the bill victimize American citizens, claiming American Citizens will suffer negative effects from the passage of the DREAM Act. Also, opponents claim that such a bill will lead to chain migration and will increase “illegal” immigration. Finally, one representative called the bill an “affirmative action amnesty nightmare.”

In an effort to not fall into the role of the “oppressor”, those of us who are passionate about or are effected by the DREAM Act must try to understand where the opinions and ideas of the opponents come from. The media and government have done such a great job of instilling fear among the masses. How can we not expect people to oppose the DREAM Act when we constantly hear talks about how immigrants are taking American jobs, exploiting social services, overcrowding schools, etc.? With all those things being said, is it really a surprise that so many people suffer from xenophobia (the fear or hatred of strangers or foreigners)? The reality is that it is NOT our responsibility to change those opinions because:

a. People are entitled to their own beliefs

b. Individual realities shape perception

c. They give us more reasons to push for change

So, when a representative from Texas says that we must only be compassionate towards American citizens we must remind them that citizens or not, every person in this country deserves compassion. On top of that, we must remind ourselves that, oppressing the oppressor will not get us anywhere and we must remain committed to the struggle of equity and social justice.

Let’s hope the Senate makes the right choice and passes the DREAM Act today! Let’s keep making those calls!!!

“It is absolutely essential that the oppressed participate in the revolutionary process with an increasingly critical awareness of their role as subjects of the transformation.” – Paulo Freire

Agueda

Thursday, December 9, 2010

CHLA IV White Elephant!



Mentors and Mentees answer questions about themselves depending on the color of the M&M. Mentors also brought gifts for mentees to participate in a game of White Elephant!

CHLA III Closure!



CHLA III came to an end! Mentors and Mentees talk about what they have learned from one another throughout the year.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Monica & Monica

"Thank you for adapting to my life style and putting yourself in my shoes. Also, for always making the worse problems seem like a grain of salt. You have showed up to my graduation and got a chance to meet my family and that meant so much to me. I have learned that weakness isn’t what makes you. The guts to show pain is what makes you strong"!

-Monica 

Monday, December 6, 2010

It happens all the time in heaven


At this time, as we approach the winter solstace, a time of celebrating the cosmic shift from darkness to light it seems that our collective consciousness can use a little shifting toward the light as well.   

I read this morning that gay marriage is going back in front of the federal courts and may be headed towards the Supreme Court, and of course there's Don't Ask Don't Tell and taxes and the Dream Act and so many other things that divide us.  The winter solstice celebrates the understanding that we still depend on the sun, the Earth and each other for survival.  Apparently 700 years ago we needed this reminder as well.  That's when Hafiz wrote:

It happens all the time in heaven,
And some day
It will begin to happen
Again on earth -
That men and women who are married,
And men and men who are
Lovers,
And women and women
Who give each other
Light,
Often will get down on their knees
And while so tenderly
Holding their lover's hand,
With tears in their eyes,
Will sincerely speak, saying,
"My dear,
How can I be more loving to you;
How can I be more
Kind?"


humbly,

Tony

Tony LoRe
CEO/Founder
Youth Mentoring Connection / Urban Oasis

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Everyone Should Have a Mariela

Hello, my name is Valentina and Iʼm stealing from a Los Angeles non-profit organization. There it is. I said it. Iʼm stealing from Youth Mentoring Connection. Each week I get much more than I could ever give as a Mentor of this unbelievable organization. I should have to pay. OK, a volunteer is a volunteer after all, but the benefits of being a Mentor are astounding and humbling so, yes, in a way I am stealing.

When I moved to Los Angeles almost 5 years ago, I came in pursuit of my dream as an
actor. What became evident within 5 minutes was that I was in an industry that cared more about the “me” than the “we”. So I began looking for a place where I could establish Community and keep my sanity. All roads lead to YMC.

I went to the “Mentor/Mentee match-up mixer” with a sense of both intrigue and hesitation. It turned out to be a bowling event where Mentors and Mentees could find one another organically (much like a dreaded singles mixer, p.s.). Once I started talking to the young people though I was wooed by their intelligence, sincerity, and willingness to be who they are. Among all the “available” Mentees, there was one that stood out. She was loud and bossy, insecure and bright. I said to myself, “That girl scares me...please let me get paired up with the shy girl in the corner instead.” Nope. Didn't happen.

Mariela and I were destined for one another. We were matched up before we ever met,
matched up from the moment both of us signed up to be in the Mentoring program. She reminded me of me at that age, a loud, bossy, insecure kid with wild light in her eyes.

Four years later Mariela and I (“Marientina”) are still going strong. No longer
a McDonaldʼs-obsessed 12 year-old with scant interest in school, Mariela is now a beautiful young woman involved in organic cooking and excited about her future. We are mirrors for one another. She is a “little Buddha” who constantly speaks with such clarity and honesty that I have no choice but to fess up and deal with myself. We donʼt judge one another, we question. We donʼt criticize, we recommend. We donʼt blame, we thank.

There is a saying at Youth Mentoring Connection: once you have met the young people,
heard their stories, felt both their heartache and their joy you have officially “drunk the Kool-Aid” and you will never be the same. Well, I drank it, folks, and now I brush my teeth with it, bath in it, and add it to my coffee in the morning.

So I am here, coming clean, and thanking Youth Mentoring Connection for generously
allowing me to drink the Kool-Aid, year after year, without paying a dime.

-Valentina Garcia-Loste

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

HBO Introductions 11.11.10

WB Matching Introductions 11.9.10




During this WB session each match got a chance to get to know each other better. Each match had to introduce each other and three things they learned to the rest of the group.

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Monk & Luis

“Monk, well what can I say? There were only a few times we got together, but those times were the best. You are and always will be a close friend to me. Thanks for always being there for me. I will always be thankful for all your help and I will always keep in touch; let’s keep our friendship going and make it grow even bigger. I hope you also stay in touch.”

– Luis

CHLA Juniors I - Meet and Greet



Mentors and Mentees met for the first time for our Childrens Hospital Juniors I cohort.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Message: Gratitude is the heart’s memory

What My Heart Remembers

A suicidal boy choosing life and all that it can bring 
A young man stepping off the street and into the ring
The proud and wounded girl finding her light in strife
The man-boy banger choosing peace and giving up his knife
Six boys in a circle of 20 sharing how the banger saved their lives
An angel seeing who I am and agreeing to be my wife

She sat meditatively, sipping tea alone at the coffee bar
As I counseled the hurt and fearful girl from the phone inside my car
Our second date, I had shown up late and now this – not doing well so far
So I said I’m sorry and she replied. “Don’t apologize for who you are.”

Wounded men and wounded boys standing in our fears
Stripping down defensiveness so our souls can push out tears
Feeling buoyed by brotherly love when I feel my brother’s near
A sister’s pledge by oleander trees remembered after all these years

The knucklehead who claimed his gift and stood to end a gang
A hundred candles held up high as to the earth we sang
The young lady taking a chance on life to give my heart a tug
Folding back her hair to reveal the scar from papa's coffee mug
The young man sharing inner pain, the one they called a thug
The homie crossing a circle of men to risk a soulful hug

He held up a mirror to his pal risking the violence held inside
To see if finally the wounded pal could overcome hair-trigger pride
The elegance of men and boys who subdued the rage that would not hide
Fierce love met tears and rage from years of pain that would not die
Understanding grew because of hearts that knew stakes were way too high
We shared two broken hearts that day and sat locked eye to eye
The fatal gaze of gangster days and all the friends that lied
Gave way for a moment when love stepped in and rage was pushed aside

My heart holds so many more memories than I have rhymes:
The man who agreed to mentor me,
another who called me to this way of life
Friends, family and lovers who have helped shape me
My August (in both senses of the word) friends in Mendo

Enemies who showed me how strong I can be
The young people who call me "pops"
The men and women who stand next to me and offer their mentoring to youth
The young adults who give of themselves each day for such little pay so the youth and communities we serve can find some peace and healing
The Colombiana who bravely shares this path and my heart of service!

To you all, I offer a toast of Happy Thanksgiving from my heart’s memories.

Tony

Tony LoRe
CEO/Founder
Youth Mentoring Connection

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What I care about today - A Mentor's Story


A couple of months ago, The Today Show on NBC was having an essay contest that caught my attention. "What do YOU care about today?" They were asking people to submit essays about non-profit organizations that are doing great things in your community. I was inspired and immediately sprung into action because there was a $100,000 prize for the winner's organization! Unfortunately YMC was not selected to win this prize, but I believe my essay speaks to the many "prizes" I have been given by YMC. I feel like a winner.

Last October, I was fortunate enough to attend a retreat in the mountains for the mentoring organization I have been volunteering with for over five years. This retreat takes place every year and serves not only as a symbolic “rite of passage” for our youth, but also is an opportunity for them to get away from their South Central Los Angeles neighborhoods. These are neighborhoods where funerals have become social events and gunshots are as commonplace as crickets chirping in most neighborhoods. Many of these teens have never been to the mountains or the ocean even though they live less than 10-12 miles away from both. The retreat takes place about two hours away, so it gives them an opportunity to really escape for an entire weekend.

I attended the retreat with my mentee of nearly five years, Brittani, who had been selected to be a “youth leader”. Brittani was 15 when I first met her and already had unimaginable life experiences, including homelessness. Over the past five years, I have watched her develop into a mature and determined woman, I am tremendously proud of.

During the retreat, one of our facilitated sessions involved poetry writing. As a part of the exercise, we were instructed to write a poem in a specific format. The exercise successfully initiated very important discussions and revelations from the mentees, the staff and the volunteers. Below is the poem I wrote about what I cared about that day:

I knew a girl who was confused, scared and losing her path
I knew a girl who didn’t like school or express goals and seemed to lack dreams
I knew a girl who went through hard times at a very young age
I know a woman who has overcome these hard times
I know a woman who will not give up on her goal to finish high school
I know a woman who has blown me away with her new self-confidence and inspiration
I am thankful to have this woman in my life and this woman is Brittani

This is what I care about everyday. My experience volunteering with this organization has changed my life and inspired me more than I could have ever imagined. Twice a month we meet for both one-on-one sessions and facilitated group sessions where a community is formed. It gives the youth an opportunity to learn what “community” means and how they can use their gifts to contribute. They develop relationships with multiple adults who can support them in their struggles, dreams and future goals. Youth Mentoring Connection serves the youth of South Central Los Angeles by providing mentoring programs that keep youth out of gangs and greatly improve their chances of graduating from high school. Graduation rates for this population average below 50% every year, but 95% of YMC mentees graduate from high school. 90% of these graduates enroll in college or trade school. I nominate Youth Mentoring Connection because YMC and everyone involved is what I care about today…..and everyday.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Daniela & Cinthia

"Hey! Thank you for all of the fun things we did together. I loved the Thai food we always ate. I loved going to the beach. I am so happy that you taught me how to make a pillow. I am so happy I was able to meet you and thank you for allowing my sister to come along so many times. I hope that everything goes well with your family and I hope I will see uou in Feb. so we can hang out more".

-Love, Cinthia


Monday, November 22, 2010

Thanksgiving - Gratitude for Corn, the cause of immigration problems

The Pilgrims were the first uninvited immigrants to the United States. Ironically, they were poor and starving, having exhausted the food supply brought with them.  The natural citizens of this land, the Wampanoag tribe witnessed their plight. What the Wampanoag didn't do was worry that there wasn't enough for everyone. They didn’t adopt immigration policies or exalt the settlers to go back to where they came from.  Instead they observed the old human practices of welcoming and compassion. They taught the Pilgrims to fish the local waters and hunt native game and wild fowl, including the turkey, which they called "earth eagle".

So, in the fall of 1621 the Pilgrims adopted the native custom of holding a Harvest Festival, a three-day feast to celebrate the bounty of spring and summer. The festival took on a double meaning of gratitude as they not only thanked Mother Earth for the bounty, but the indigenous peoples for welcoming and teaching them.

That first Thanksgiving Dinner did not have cranberry jam, sweet potatoes or pumpkin pie. However it did most likely have corn - a grass domesticated by the Aztecs and Mayans of Mezoamerica that they called "maize".  It eventually made its way up to North America and the Wampanoag natives taught the Pilgrims how to cultivate maize along with beans and squash.

Now, in a cruel twist of fate U.S. agricultural policy has destroyed the Mexican corn sector by subsidizing American grown corn to the tune of over $10 billion a year. U.S. corn is then sold back into Mexico reversing 10,000 years of historic flow in the other direction. Poor Mexican farmers cannot compete against US producers. They and their workers are thrown further into poverty and desperately attempt to sneak across the borders to harvest our crops.

So, when these people attempt to cross back over into the lands they originally owned, instead of adopting the compassion that the Pilgrims enjoyed from the Wampanoag, we adopt a scarcity mentality fueled by the politics of fear. Fear that they are going to get what’s ours (which was originally theirs).

This Thanksgiving let’s replace fear with abundance. Let’s begin again to understand that our fate is intertwined with that of every other human on the planet. George Kent, author of Freedom from Want: The Human Right to Adequate Food argues that:

“Human rights do not end at national borders, and neither do the corresponding obligations... A child may have the misfortune of being born into a poor country, but that child is not born in a poor world. The world as a whole has the capacity to sharply reduce global hunger and malnutrition. It is obligated to do that.”

We knew this once. After WWII 85% of Americans, responding to a plea from President Hoover, agreed to the reinstatement of wartime rationing so that we could share our abundance with the rest of the world.

Americans are, by nature, an optimistic and compassionate people. If we could only learn to reject the divisive fear tactics that keep us subservient to wealthy interests we might begin again to believe in abundance, to understand that the world doesn’t have to be divided into winners and losers. Then we might someday be able to partake in a global celebration of Thanksgiving.

yours in gratitude,

Tony

CEO/Founder
Youth Mentoring Connection

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Paramount II 11/16/2010



At the Paramount session matches interviwed one another and introduced each other to the group.

MTV/BET 11/17/2010



At the MTV/BET program session, matches participated in a family tree and whose coming to dinner worksheets. Matches shared with each other their internal and external families duing the family tree worksheet. As the year is getting close to the Holidays matches also shared who they would invite to dinner, what would the menu be and what activieties would they do.

Agueda's Thoughts: Empower


If people from all walks of life, economic status, color, gender, etc all work together, we can create the change that we all envision and need.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Geoff & Rahzah's Story

I am what you might call structurally challenged. I would rather sit through 6 hours of Algebra class than run an errand to Home Depot. If a light in my kitchen goes out, I would sooner grab a lamp from the living room than change the thing. And if that weren’t sad enough, the cruel Fates of Youth Mentoring Connection matched me with an engineering and science genius named Rahzah.

Several Christmases ago, when Rahzah had reached the ripe old age of 12, I decided to get him this impossible-to-build motorcycle, helicopter, monster truck combination thing. It was like Legos on steroids and just looking at the box filled me with anxiety. The box came with about 40 plastic bags filled with rubber bands, mini screwdrivers, lugnuts, and more widgets that I can’t pronounce. It was like giving a child an Ikea Living Room set and asking him to get to work. Strangely enough though, Rahzah loved his Christmas present. And I loved that Rahzah loved it, and I loved it even more that he thought I was cool enough to help him put this beast together.


So twenty minutes into our project, Rahzah looks over at the section I’m working on and says, “That doesn’t look right.” To which I respond, “What do you mean? I’m doing exactly what the directions tell me to do.” And he says, “Why are you using the directions?” Calmly, I try on my most didactic mentor voice and explain to Rahzah that, “The directions are important.” He laughs (a bit too loudly, I thought), grabs my section, and says, “Watch.” He then scatters the 5,000 microscopic pieces all over the Living Room, and I’m forced to sit there in horror as he puts together the motorcycle, takes it apart, then builds it again as a helicopter. Never once glancing at the directions!


I was humbled, I was in awe, I was proud. I left Rahzah’s house grateful to have this young man in my life and even more grateful that he was so patient with his slightly dim-witted mentor.