2-MINUTE
By Youth Mentoring Connection
A series of helpful hints for mentors
January 14, 2009
Coming up in this issue:
Scenario: What would you do? Situations you may encounter with your mentee
Things To Do: Things to do with your mentee
Inspiration: Selected quote(s)
What would you do?
Situation:
Your mentee just failed one course and received a “D” in another. You want to help him improve his grades.
As a great mentor I would…
A) “Have him bring his schoolwork to our next session so that I can review it to discover just where I can help out. In the areas that I’m not able to help him, I’ll find someone who can.”
B) “His grades are not my job. Although I care about his grades, I’m a social mentor, not a tutor. I can help best by making our time together fun and by helping my mentee feel good about himself.”
C) “Discuss the situation with him to determine what the root causes of the poor performance are.”
Although there is some merit to each of the answers, we feel that the best solution to this situation is “C”. Let’s take a look at each one:
A) “Have him bring his schoolwork to our next session so that I can review it to discover just where I can help out. In the areas that I’m not able to help him, I’ll find someone who can.”
Sometimes the temptation is to jump right in and fix the problem. However, the problem may not be your mentee’s ability to do the work or comprehend the subject matter. You could spend hours reviewing your mentee’s subjects with him only to find out that the issue is not comprehension, but something else like “not turning in assignments / getting homework done”, or missing too many classes.
B) “His grades are not my job. Although I care about his grades, I’m a social mentor, not a tutor. I can help best by making our time together fun and by helping my mentee feel good about himself.”
It is true that in most programs there is a clear distinction between mentor and tutor. However, there are many ways you can help without actually engaging in the academics directly. Even though you are not required, or trained to be a tutor, not addressing the problem would also be setting a bad example. Social mentor’s roles are to be a resource and to help the mentee learn to solve problems.
C) “Discuss the situation with him to determine what the root causes of the poor performance are.”
We like this answer because it gives you the opportunity to help your mentee in a very significant way with a current and serious issue, without taking his academic problems on as yours. Here is a simple game plan:
1. First, get yourself in a good place to be helpful by establishing a healthy mindset: Accept that this is a serious situation without being alarmed about it, and realize that your mentee may or may not see it as a serious problem. Your most important job as a mentor is to help your mentee feel that he can get through this. Above all, try not to be judgmental, which may create defensiveness from your mentee that could get in the way of resolution.
2. Once you’re in the right mindset, check your mentee’s attitude. Is he willing to take responsibility? Ask questions like: “What do you think is the reason for these grades?” “Are you interested in exploring some ways that you might be able to bring them up?”
3. If you’ve been through Youth Mentoring Connection’s Mentor Training, this is a good place to apply the “5 Questions Problem Solving” technique. (If you haven’t been through that particular training, the point of the technique is to empower your mentee by asking questions that allow the mentee to discover what he does that gets in the way of his own success and then develop his own plan for resolving it.)
4. After doing this you may find that your mentee simply does not comprehend the subject matter, or may have fallen so far behind that he’ll not catch up without additional help. If you are capable and interested in taking on the tutoring role, then by all means do so. However, this is not the primary role of a mentor in most programs. So, you may also want to help your mentee by working with him to find the appropriate help. Your program coordinator should be able to tell you what tutoring is available at your mentee’s school.
5. Some other things you may want to consider doing to help your mentee:
· Get to know his teachers. Introduce yourself to them and ask them how you can lend a hand. Check beforehand with the parents so they feel supported and not that you are trying to intrude into their territory.
· Help your mentee design a homework schedule. Help him organize his assignments and complete them on time.
· Review your mentee’s course load and help him discover if he needs to make some adjustments.
· Spend part of your meeting time working on his homework and congratulate him on small accomplishments.
· Make learning fun. Engage your mentee in researching and learning about topics he's interested in, whether or not they’re part of school work, so that he enjoys the learning process
· Find out if the program or your mentee’s school offers training in how to be a tutor.
Inspiration
“You can't stay in your corner of the
- Winnie the Pooh
How can we help? If you have any questions/concerns regarding your
relationship with your mentee, please feel free to email them to us at
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