Agueda's Thoughts: Personal Agency

Los Angeles Teacher Ratings

It is a fact in my life that every individual has different needs; while many may be similar to each other, no two individuals can benefit equally from one potential solution. With this in mind, I struggle when I consider the many solutions posed by the government, law makers, and education experts on how to improve our education system. While true comprehensive reform is essential for the system as a whole, one cannot expect to have students from every level benefit equally from the changes. Considering that, it can be extremely overwhelming to think about how we are going to help every person who is part of such a huge system. It can be very easy to become discouraged when thinking about doing something to help; but accepting that you cannot save the whole world is a start. Beyond that, it is paramount to remember that your personal agency is far more powerful than you would like to believe.

I have had many conversations with people who wonder why I do the work that I do. Some people say, “You can’t save every young person and you can’t change the system so why bother?” I often would be offended that they did not see the world the way I did but how could they? If it is difficult to have one solution benefit two people equally, how could I expect to have another individual agree on all of my views and politics? I learned along the way that my purpose in having such discussions was necessarily to convince them to join my side but hope that there could be a third space we both could reach in which we would agree. I do not expect to have every person become an educator, a school principal, a superintendent, or have a career change and devote their lives to young people. What I do hope to do is to have every person acknowledge and tap into their personal agency.

Every person can do something to try and better this world. You do not have to be a law maker or part of a governmental entity to make an impact. The people that I work with and the mentors we bring all know that. We all know that having a simple conversation with a young person about why they skipped school or why they got into a fight can make a huge impact. It is difficult to balance the personal with the systematic but one does not have to be at the expense of the other. Every person who works on the macro level can still make an impact in a single person’s life by simply caring and if enough of these acts are done then the impact can be at the macro level as well.

So when learning about all the potential solutions that school districts and law makers are struggling to produce, do not get discouraged when realizing that they probably will not get it right, just think about what it is that you can do to impact a young person’s life. History has taught us that we cannot rely or expect those on top to solve all the issues in our communities especially because all laws cannot and do not have the same impact on all individuals within our society. Because of that, as socially conscious individuals it is our responsibility to embrace our personal agency and put it to use.


Agueda

HBO Matching 10.28.10

In this session the mentors and mentees found out who they will be match with for the rest of the year. Each mentor and mentee was given a phrase that they had to match by going around and asking if they had the other half of the phrase. In this session the matches also had a chance to get to know each other better by interviewing one another.

WB Matching Bingo 10.19.10

In this session the mentors and the mentees played a fun game of matching bingo. This game was composed of fun and crazy facts related to the mentors and mentees. At the end of the session they would discover who they have been match with.

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Zach & Andy

"Zach I just wanted to say that this year has been hands down one of the greatest years of my life if not the greatest year of my life. You are my best friend and I wouldn’t have asked for anyone else to be my mentor and you take that to the bank. In all serious you are my bro wait…you’ve changed my life forever. I knew there were people like you out there but I never knew I would have the honor and the privilege to know to know someone like you who would hang out with me every Tuesday. You’re my best friend Zach and I hope you will always be there for me as I will for you".

Thanks Zach!

-Andy

CHLA IV "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner"

CHLA IV "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" Session. Mentors and Mentees talk about who they would want to invite to their Thanksgiving Dinner along with what type of dishes they would make and what type of activities they would like to have. Bon appetit!

CHLA III "How Do You Like Me Now"

CHLA III "How Do You Like Me Now" Session. Mentors and Mentees test to see how well they know each other.

Mentors from Paramount Program visited their mentees at HelenBernstein High School.

…Still Waiting for Superman.

Until then everyone else is the bogeyman. We have become a culture of accountability: that is, holding everyone ELSE accountable. It’s the bad teachers. It’s the uninvolved parents. It’s the self-involved youth. It’s the video games. It’s the media. If we can determine the right place to affix blame, then we don’t have to do anything about the problem ourselves.  So, the fingers point every direction but inward. 

The caller to the radio talk show suggests that we make a portion of each student’s grades dependent upon the parent’s participation in his school (attendance at parent/teacher conferences, etc.) The host thinks this is a great idea. I’m thinking that we have forgotten how to be a community. Old cultures understood that the well being of youth is a community responsibility and the fate of society depends upon it.

Many youth centers now have a requirement that parents participate in order for kids to maintain their membership.  While I support doing whatever we can to encourage parents to engage more fully in their kids’ lives, these measures serve to further marginalize many youth who need their community the most. The ones whose parents can’t or won’t step up. Then we wonder why we can’t solve the “gang problem” or why our society is becoming more polarized with a large portion of our population ignorant, unable to think for themselves and exploitable by fear tactics. Thus the American dream has become a nightmare to so many young people who have no place to turn.

I sit in conversations with our boys, who tell stories of absent fathers and abusive mothers. Reggie is telling his story of his mom’s abuses and his friend recalls seeing the boy’s mother punch him in the mouth in front of several other people. This gives Reggie the courage to finally tell his story. He recalls his mother telling him not to go to school, that he’s too stupid to learn anyway. Once he gets going, the stories tumble out one after the next. His mom cracking his head open with a bottle (I personally witnessed the damages from that one); having her boyfriend beat him up; guns pulled on him in his own house; coming home on his eighteenth birthday to see all of his clothing tossed out onto the front lawn and mom greeting him at the door to tell him he doesn’t live there anymore. I remember Alejandra telling us of how her grandmother beat her with a hose because she saw another girl disrespect her and Alejandra didn’t “throw down”.

What chance do they have? Well, Alejandra and Reggie will probably be okay, because they found a community to support them when their parents won’t, one that will understand and help them heal these deep wounds. They found Youth Mentoring Connection/Urban Oasis. We will give them the love and positive regard that they don’t get at home. Not because we are a clan of altruistic do-gooders, but because we remember what old cultures knew, that the first responsibility of community is to care for its youth, that the health of our collective soul depends on it. We will then have the moral authority to hold them accountable because we first hold ourselves accountable.
 But what about the thousands of other youth in the same situation that we haven’t reached yet. They will become the parents who abuse their kids because that’s all they were ever shown and they didn’t have a society willing to catch them as they fall through the cracks of abuse and neglect. The cycle continues. 

Unless we stop this cycle by becoming a conscious intentional society, taking responsibility for all of our youth, generations from now we will still be Waiting for Superman.

Youth Mentoring Connection dreams of an Urban Oasis...a campus-like setting in the heart of South Central where kids like Reggie and Alejandra can find the community of support that all youth need. 

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

with respect,
Tony

Tony LoRe

Founder/CEO, Youth Mentoring Connection

Founder, Boarding House Mentors