Friday's Follow Up

"Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach." Tom Robbins

Tony's Blog: Giving Back in 2010
Tony writes that a good New Year's resolution is to commit to being a mentor.

A Mentor's Story
Danni shares her moving story about her commitment to mentoring at YMC. She talks about her mentee Imeda has inspired her.

Thank you Danni for all your love and support to YMC.

Have a good weekend everyone!
La Judy

A Mentor's Story

I remember first meeting Tony LoRe at the beach for the surfing program Boarding House Mentors about 4 years ago. A friend had been volunteering that summer and asked if I wanted to come and check it out. I remember attending a mentoring session as a guest, and I remember meeting my mentee Imelda when the new mentoring session started. Imelda was the first girl I had spoken to during the meet and greet bowling session. I remember being nervous about the match-up. Was I going to be a good mentor? How was I going to be a good mentor? Would she respond to me? Would we have anything in common? Would I make a difference in this person’s life? Good grief, could I do this? No pressure.

I remember during one of our one-on-one sessions, Imelda asked me why I became a mentor. I told Imelda that I was looking to volunteer somewhere as I was at a point in my life that I wanted to give back. I told Imelda, as an Asian Immigrant in the bible belt of Tennessee, I had a hard time growing up as a non-Caucasian girl in the South. I didn’t have elders or mentors – I wanted to give what I didn’t have (but I wanted and needed) growing up. I remembered the words from the training session – “Be honest, be open, be yourself – they can smell the BS.”

Was I going to be a good mentor? I didn’t know, but I kept showing up for the mentoring sessions twice a month and I “played full out”. That was all that YMC had asked of me.

How was I going to be a good mentor? With the support of Tony and Juliana (with Sarah, Leslie, Derrion and Stewart), I was able to watch and learn during the group sessions once a month as they taught the kids (and the mentors) to take risks, take chances to trust, to let people in, to get out of your comfort zone, to play full out, be present and be open.

Would she respond to me? I remember doing an exercise in one of our group sessions, and Imelda shared that she trusted no one. Imelda was a friendly and gregarious personality, but she trusted no one. No one had trusted her – especially her mother. I remember the summer after our first year together, we were at the beach for the surfing program. Imelda got off the bus, walked over to me and confided in me that she took my advice. She had finally and nervously had a conversation with her mother about their relationship. Ime told me that they were really able to talk to each other for the first time. In between her tears, Ime told me, “She said that she was really worried about me. She told me she really loved me.” My heart was so happy for her.

Would we have anything in common? As the oldest daughter of an immigrant family, having most of the household responsibilities, reading/translating English for your parents, taking care of the siblings, having an overprotective mother who didn’t want you to make the same mistakes as she did, and struggling financially. Is this me or Ime? TTP – “Trust the Process!”

Would I make a difference in this person’s life? During the last Big Bear Girls’ Initiation retreat in October, Ime shocked me. Ime has the most infectious smile and she is a personality, but she has always struggled to express her thoughts and feelings. But one night during the Street Poets led activity, Ime wrote a poem and read it sharing it with all of us.

The Light

I found a Light when I needed it the most.

I found a Light that has understood me from the start.

I found a Light that told me things will turn out right.

I found a Light that helped me find my light.

My light is now strong and bright.

My light was found with the help of the Light.

The Light that loves me,

And I have learned to love mine.

Juliana kept looking at me as Ime read the poem, and half way through it I started bawling when I realized that she had written it about me. I was floored. I was amazed. I was humbled. She found her light. She learned to love her own light. For Pete’s sake, she called me the Light! I’m crying again…

In the YMC Mentor Training Manual there’s a quote by Keith Geiger: “The most crucial role for a mentor is to be an adult who has time for a young person, who cares about that young person, and who believes in that young person. This relationship may provide the ONLY stability a student knows, and the only time anyone spends quality time with the mentee.”

Sometimes there’s so much crap in front of us (in our lives), it’s hard to see anything else. And maybe, all I really can do or am supposed to do (while I have the chance) is raise the mirror in front of her face and flicker on the light so that she can also see what I see in her.

Ime hears gunshots at night. Her younger brother is not allowed to walk around the neighborhood by himself because of gang violence. Ime works to help support her family. She has struggled and gone through depression. But Ime’s also the first in her family to graduate from high school. Ime is caring, compassionate, loving and kind. She just got her driver’s permit (yikes!) and she’s optimistically thinking about college and trying to figure out what she wants for her future. Ime is a beautiful human being, I love her and I am very grateful to have her in my life.

I remember one Initiation Retreat two years ago – it was a week after my mom had passed away from breast cancer. I had committed to be a mentor for the retreat…and I went. I remember the first night as the girls started getting off the bus, the first thing I heard was Ime’s voice, “Where’s Danni?” I felt her voice chipping away at the numbness in my heart. I showed up and the girls and the staff showed up for me. My heart was breaking, I was confused and I was calm all at the same time.

One night during the retreat, sixteen year old Dineisha who had lost both of her parents came up to me and said, “Maybe your mom wasn’t able to take care of you the way she wanted to, but now she can.” The wisdom and resilience of these youth – who have grown up with violence, born to drug addicted mothers and absent fathers, who have been neglected, abused, ignored and forgotten by their community and the government – astounds me. The growth and transformation I’ve been privileged to witness in these beautiful young men and women – humbles me. The unconditional love, support and dedication of the YMC staff – inspires me.

I have learned that when I show up for these kids trying to reflect back to them what I see in them – their gifts, their talents, their potential, I have found that people show up for me in my life and reflect back to me what they see in me – my gifts, my talents and my potential.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself...Serve and thou shalt be served.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The focus of this program will be on the one to one relationship between mentor and mentee, with emphasis on developing happy, healthy lives, trust, self confidence, empowerment and a vision for the future.” Change 2 lives, become a mentor – indeed.

I love your guts YMC!

Sawubona (I see you),

Danni aka La Lupe

Giving Back in 2010

Did you make a New Years Resolution to do more good in 2010?  The secret to success is to dive in.  Fully commit and notice all the things that come your way to support your decision.   

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:  that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.  A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Whatever you can do,

or dream you can, begin it.

Boldness has genius, 

power and magic in it. " 

Goethe

If you are not sure yet what to do in 2010 to make a bigger difference, consider becoming a mentor.  Click here to mentor with Youth Mentoring Connection (volunteer button on the left)

If you are already mentoring, get a friend to volunteer to do the same.  They'll thank you for it down the road.

Friday's Follow-Up

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. Mother Teresa

Tony's Blog: We Are the Ones We've Been Waiting For...
Tony reflects upon the Winter Solstice; a time to think about the "greater light that we can bring into the world."

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee-Mindy & Gardy
Gardy thanks Mindy for being so patient. Gardy appreciates all the advice that Mindy has given.

Wednesday's Word on the Street: When World's Collide
Sarah expresses how one of her favorite parts of mentoring is when different worlds are brought together. Especially this Saturday, January 10th, at 9:30, IKAR, a progressive Jewish congregation will be host to an immigration reform symposium that will feature two speakers from our YMC program.

Hope you all will attend.

Happy New Year everyone!
La Judy

Wednesday's Word on the Street: When Worlds Collide

One of my favorite parts of mentoring is that it makes worlds collide. It brings people into each other’s lives in very intimate ways, when some of these same people would never speak to each other… or would be enemies on the street… or would meet only on wildly divergent ends of a power relationship. Race, class, culture, gender, sexual orientation, education – mentoring crosses all sorts of lines for everyone who participates. Mentoring can’t make power disappear, nor can it erase every prejudice or problematic belief that walks through the door. But mentees and mentors learn to connect and to honor each other's stories. And everyone sure as hell learns!

Sometimes – be still, my heart – this learning grows from the realm of the interpersonal into the political. This has been happening lately, and you should be advised that a collision of worlds is scheduled for this Saturday morning at 9:30 am. IKAR, a progressive Jewish congregation that a mentor and I belong to, is kicking off an immigration reform initiative with a special Shabbat service. The featured speakers are two young women from YMC’s programs. Both are brilliant, dynamic, and about to tell a room full of Jews what it’s like to grow up in L.A. undocumented.

I love this for so many reasons. I love the courage of the young women who are speaking, because talking about this in front of a room full of strangers takes uncommon resolve. I love that half our staff is going to turn out on a Saturday morning to support them. (I love even more that my black and brown coworkers are going to have to sit through a Shabbat service… Baruch atah ¿que?) I love that after the presentation, congregants are going to send letters and postcards to Congress in support of immigration reform.

Finally, I love the connections and richness this is creating. We’ve started a Facebook group entitled “Would you deport my bubbe [grandmother]? FEH! Fight for comprehensive immigration reform.” Most of the Jewish people in the room on Saturday are not far removed from the poverty and violence that brought our parents or grandparents or great grandparents to this country seeking a better life, and not far removed from the discrimination they faced when they got here. Sound familiar? Let’s remember. Let’s see ourselves in each other. Let’s make some worlds collide!

Adams Middle School Holiday Party

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee - Mindy & Gardy

"Mindy you have more patience than anyone I know. I can act childish sometimes but that is just the way I am. I apologize if I ever annoyed you but I love to laugh and I hope I didn't stress you out. You are a great mentor and I appreciate all the advice you have given me. Thanks for everything".

Much love,

Gardy

Tony's Blog: We Are the Ones We've Been Waiting For…

Dear Friends,

Many cultures start their calendars around this time of year because the Winter Solstice signifies the longest night of the year followed by the initiation of ever increasing lightness. Thus, a time of new beginnings. The term solstice is derived from the Latin sol (sun) and sistere (to stand still) as the Sun's path appears to come to a momentary stop before reversing direction and bringing a time of longer daylight.

So too we pause for a moment to reflect upon the greater light that we can bring into this world. Many people have remarked that the year just past was a very difficult or dark one. So, renewal is called for. Please join us in assisting the return of light into all our lives. Just as we string lights, utilize bright ornamentation and light candles to symbolize lightness returning from the edges of darkness, we endeavor to send messages of light and hope to our youth. Light in the form of mentors and a community that looks in their direction to illuminate the gifts that they were born to bring into this world.

It is time to stop lamenting the dark times and realize that we are the chosen ones if we only accept that we have the inner gifts to renew the world and remake it into a better, more loving place. Please join me in inviting the light back into this world. Give life to the traditional expressions of comfort, joy, love and generosity. Lend a hand to those in need. Offer a word of encouragement to a young person. Become a mentor.

Take heed to the message of the Hopi Elders who say:

We Are the Ones We've Been Waiting For…

You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour.

Now you must go back and tell the people that this is The Hour.

It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community. Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for the leader. This could be a good time!

There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water. See who is in there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all, ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves!

Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.

All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we've been waiting for.

—The Elders Oraibi

Arizona Hopi Nation

Together we can do it.  Si se puede!