Viacom Matching Session

Our Viacom program started this year with a bang! Mentees and mentors found out who they were matched with by playing an interactive and fun game of “Human Bingo.” We had asked our mentors and mentees to provide us with fun facts about themselves, and now they had to match the funny fact with the correct individual. Mentors and mentees had a blast as they tried to figure out who fit the correct bingo description. The most interesting one was from our mentee Domingo, who shared that he had been raised by a wild pack of chinchillas that he then had to eat in order to survive. As we closed the session, matches shared funny and embarrassing stories about each other. Stay tuned to see our next crazy session !!!!

CHLA: It's so hard to say GOODBYE!

While most of YMC's programs are starting up, our CHLA Hollywood program came to a closure. I can attest that this was a bitter-sweet day. As mentors and mentees reflected and expressed their experience, it became apparent that we all were in the “right place at the right time”. It was an honor to witness mentors role-modeling healthy closure for our youth... Which is one of the greatest gifts money cannot buy! Although many mentees did not express their gratitude verbally in front of the whole group, most of us heard an occasional “thank you”. My hope is that every mentor is aware of their impact not only on the mentees, but on this program. We thank each and every mentor for their patience and commitment to this program. Hope to see most (if not all) of you in the winter of 2014... Live, Love, & Laugh!

WB: 13 years and counting...

Yesterday’s session was another amazing and awe-inspiring day … what a great start for Fall 2013 with our WB Mentors and Mentees! As usual we kicked off WB with what we like to call a "Meet & Greet” activity for the thirteenth time, yes you heard correctly… thirteenth time!  Nevertheless, after having a partnership with WB for 13 years it felt innovative all over again. “Returners” were reunited and “Newbies” were introduced to one another. This activity was so great it has to be done again!Stay tuned for more excitement to come!

Waiting For Superman: Waiting for America to become America for all children

In the tug-o-war between left and right, between union and management, between ideologues of different stripes all too often children become the rope. They become the rhetorical tool that people on either side of an argument use to argue their position. So you end up with a system that places accountability measures on schools, teachers and children while at the same time severely limiting their resources. The state of education in the State of California has been steadily declining since the passage of Prop 13 to the point that a system that once was the envy of the world is now a dysfunctional and horribly inequitable mess which has a racially skewed result. To be clear I’m not blaming Prop 13 for our educational problems, but rather an electorate that is more willing to fight for the interests of property owners than for the rights of all children for an equal education.

This should be no surprise as it simply follows the trends of this country. The rich get richer and the poor compete for what little resources are left. The well-to-do can afford expensive private schools ensuring that their progeny can take over their positions of power and influence. The balance of the population are relegated to a position of living off of the table scraps of the wealthy…and then are blamed for not being able to accomplish the near impossible. Our schools may be letting our kids down, but our society is letting our schools down. Children are not safe to walk to a school where they will not have the resources to learn effectively, taught by teachers who have to manage classrooms of 30-40 kids that enter at tremendously disparate levels of comprehension. This is partially the legacy of “No Child Left Behind”. It has left millions of children behind because it was an empty slogan so representative of our willingness in this country to get behind ideology but not worry about its repercussions on real human beings.

Enter the new documentary: "Waiting for Superman” to put a human face on this problem. Rhetoric and statistics disappear into the background when one witnesses the real human tragedy of a parent sitting in a hall watching for a lottery ball to drop in order to know if their kid will go to a school that will prepare her for college or one that will warehouse him for the streets and possible incarceration.

This exceptional piece of filmmaking has already created a tremendous amount of controversy and it only opened this past weekend. There will be much debate over teachers and unions and public schools vs. charter schools, and who is to blame. Entrenched interests will rush to defend their positions. The movie will no doubt be criticized for not offering enough comprehensive solutions, but is that the role of a documentary movie? We have to be careful that we don’t let a 90 minute film define the terms of the discussion. Let’s just let it do what it is intended to do: stimulate debate and inflame our desires to offer a better future for all children. The film does show us what is possible. It is up to us to all to stop “waiting for Superman” and engage in one of the most important debates of our lifetime. We need to get angry at what we see on the screen and then make that anger productive.

In an ironic twist, Superwoman Oprah Winfrey takes up the cause of “Waiting for Superman” and features Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg flying in like Superman to drop 100 million dollars on the Newark school system. While we heap praise on both of these wonderful actions (and appreciation for the spotlight that this puts on the problem), it is easy to lose sight of the millions of children who don’t get to go to the few schools who will benefit from these actions. It is a scary proposition that the well-being of the vast majority of the population is once again dependent upon handouts from the wealthy.  Every one of us needs to ask what we can do. Volunteer at a public school. Become a tutor. Better yet, become a mentor. Engage in the debate. Advocate for a more level playing field. Become active.

As mentors we realize how much power there is in simply paying attention to youth. So, when the youth of America see that we are debating and arguing over their future, even if we disagree, they may get a message that they do count after all. But if nothing comes of it, or if they see that we are cynically using them once again as the rope in our tug-o-wars about taxes and privilege and position, they will lose hope and we slip further into a culture of fear that continues to promote the interest of the few at the expense of the children of our future.

sincerely,

Tony

Tony LoRe
CEO/Founder Youth Mentoring Connection
Founder Boarding House Mentors

Tony's Blog: Lakers are the Champions of the NBA…Kobe helps YMC

“If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while, waiting for you.
And the life that you ought to be living,
is the one you ARE living.”
 Joseph Campbell


When we work with youth we encourage them to discover what they have a passion for and pursue it. Don’t just make a living, make a life. So, the people that we bring into their lives often model the same. We give up opportunities in order to go where our hearts lead us. We make hard choices and leave comfortable jobs to go off and cultivate our true gifts as dancers, therapists, musicians, poets, youth workers, leaders. We sell our business to fund our life’s work.

How do we know our path? How do we keep from joining the masses as Thoreau puts it, “living lives of silent desperation”? (Often opting for lives of strident desperation, but fully in our purpose.) Sometimes it’s in a mentoring moment, when the Yaqui called me to “come do your life’s work”. Sometimes it is an unlikely mentoring relationship as a young Nicaraguan girl learns from an old Jewish woman how to exercise her anger and express herself through dance. Sometimes it is in a gradual awakening as a brilliant young activist finds herself drawn to a different kind of revolution, through emotional healing. Sometimes it is through alcoholic or chemically induced descent into the darkest parts of our souls, so that we can mark the path back to freedom and become a guide to countless others needing help in making the ascension back to their higher spirit.

…and for Samuel “Free” Harris it was the Laker’s Kobe Bryant.

It was during the 98-99 NBA lockout, when the owners and players association were unable to come to terms. Now, what would you do if your work were disrupted for an extended period of time? Take a long vacation? Find another job? Kobe used the time to practice, like a man possessed with the knowledge of his true passion. He went up to the College of the Canyons in Santa Clarita to escape the distractions of L.A. That’s where Free, the captain of the college basketball team met the man soon to become considered by many, the greatest player on the planet. Free tells of peaking into the gym while attending his classes from 9am to 3pm to glimpse Kobe practicing endless repetitions: posting up imaginary defenders; turn-around jumpers; fall aways; fake-left-go-right; endless free throws; cross-over move; ball fakes; drop step; stop-and-pop. He would take a break from the gym floor to lift weights with the team, then back to the hardwood while the team would do their running. Often when Free and his team would return to the gym for their practice, Kobe would line up one-on-one with each of the players and tell them exactly the move he was going to execute against them. Even with that foreknowledge they were powerless to stop him. Once in a while someone would get lucky and Kobe would miss a shot. Then he would let them go on offense while he practiced defense.

After witnessing this display of dedication and passion day after day for an entire week, Free began to question his dream of professional basketball. He was a damn good player, but watching Kobe made him wonder if he loved the game enough to have that kind of singularity of focus and dedication all day, every day. His heart was whispering to him that he needed to take a second look, to respect the yearnings of his soul. The answer was obvious: “I love the game, but don’t have the passion to dedicate my entire being to it like Kobe.” However, there was something that called to him, that he could see himself spending that kind of energy, dedication and hourly commitment - his music. This eventually led to his co-founding the conscious hip-hop group “Luminaries” who have traveled the country performing with the likes of India Arie and Michael Franti and may soon be touring in Asia.

Free is also dedicated to using his gift to influence young people to follow a more conscious and peaceful path in their life. So, after seeing him perform, our very own Hoolie (demonstrating her gift of persuasion) brought him over to YMC to work with our youth. Drawing upon the dedication that he witnessed back at the College of the Canyons, Free will often spend all night in the recording studio and then all day working with our kids – mentoring them in music, finding transitional housing, encouraging them to learn non-violent problem solving skills, and just giving them a taste of his infectious spirit.

So, is this the ultimate path for Samuel “Free” Harris. Who knows? Perhaps another epiphanal mentoring moment is on the way. For now, we’ll keep inviting him to inspire our youth…

…and offer a word of gratitude to Kobe for allowing Free to witness that kind of passion and dedication, planting him firmly in his destiny, leading him to Youth Mentoring Connection.

Respectfully,

Tony

Founder/CEO
Youth Mentoring Connection/Urban Oasis

Founder
Boarding House Mentors

Tony's Blog: Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that

I have been mourning the lack of civil discourse lately and thinking about how our political process risks turning us into a nation of verbally violent people. People sitting at traditional seats of power at our highest levels of government sew hatred in order to incite the masses so that a political party can win some kind of advantage. They use fear to turn the gullible masses into tea bagger crowds demonizing and labeling their rivals.

Young people learn about power from adults. So, how can we sit in judgment of them as they form gangs and toss epithets at their rivals. Power without conscience is their cultural heritage if they look to the greater culture. So they take it to extremes. Their other alternative is to reject it altogether and check out in hundreds of different ways (apathy, cutting, mind-numbing drugs, alcohol, etc.).

Griselda, our beautiful young intern at YMC, attended a "Non-Violence Training" over the weekend and came back to tell me of people fighting for the same cause but fighting with each other in the process. "They were disagreeing on so many levels with such animosity towards each other that the whole thing turned me off." She described heated arguments over non-violent tactics ranging from total passivity to militantly taking it to the streets. She was looking for a different kind of imagination. There is a Buddhist concept of non-violent language which states that any language that divides us is violent.

Dr. Martin Luther King said: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

What if adults were to exercise power with love and respect, honoring even those that disagree with us? I happen to like (peaceful) protests, but I have learned that what we need more is mentoring. Where are the elders who will cultivate a different kind of wisdom in our lives and offer it as an alternative example for the youth? I know that I have the privilege of working with many of them, hundreds of mentors, as well as our amazing staff at Youth Mentoring Connection. They number thousands of adults who have come into the lives of young people to try to create a different reality--one where respect and consideration replace judgment and blame.

yours in peace,

Tony

To Beto

To Beto

Who are you?

You are the voice on my voice mail that says “what’s up?”

Who are you?

You are the courage that leaves your home each day into a world that does not welcome you

Who are you?

You are the writing on the wall that appears under a street light on an abandoned gas station

Who are you?

You are the one who reminds me to be thankful for what I have and all I have achieved

Who are you?

You are strength and courage and love… you are my bud.

Edwin Galan - Mentor

When I first met Beto, he would come into my office and just look at pictures on my wall. He wouldn’t say much, occasionally remarking on someone he recognized – “oh I know him – he’s friends with my brother” . “There go my sister – she was in your program. She says I should be in it”. I took the bait – “She did? Well, we would love to have you in our program… “

It took a minute. See, Beto doesn’t trust people that easily. But he kept coming into my office, looking at pictures, with his back to me, talking about people he knew…” he just got out of jail”… Finally he accepted my invitation, and he joined mentoring.

Edwin wasn’t Beto’s first mentor, and at first, I wasn’t sure how this was going to work. Beto hated school, and Edwin is a teacher - an unlikely match.

Beto, tortured Edwin with silence, and Edwin kept showing up. No matter what Beto threw at him, he kept showing up…

With patience and an open heart, Edwin started chipping away at the wall Beto had used to keep all of us out.

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Beto about another mentor in the program who is very popular with the kids, and Beto in his booming voice told me “I wouldn’t change Galan for nothing – he is the best mentor there is”

I know sometimes our mentors don’t get to hear, or experience the difference they are making in our young people’s lives, but I do.

I remember that oversized kid, who couldn’t look at me. Whose wounds would cut so deep that he had to walk away for long periods of time, just to make sure we weren’t going to leave him first, and then come back a little softer, a little more willing to trust.

These are my heroes… The mentors who see our kids, and our kids who let us see them.

Be a mentor – change two lives.

Juliana

A Mentor's Story

I remember first meeting Tony LoRe at the beach for the surfing program Boarding House Mentors about 4 years ago. A friend had been volunteering that summer and asked if I wanted to come and check it out. I remember attending a mentoring session as a guest, and I remember meeting my mentee Imelda when the new mentoring session started. Imelda was the first girl I had spoken to during the meet and greet bowling session. I remember being nervous about the match-up. Was I going to be a good mentor? How was I going to be a good mentor? Would she respond to me? Would we have anything in common? Would I make a difference in this person’s life? Good grief, could I do this? No pressure.

I remember during one of our one-on-one sessions, Imelda asked me why I became a mentor. I told Imelda that I was looking to volunteer somewhere as I was at a point in my life that I wanted to give back. I told Imelda, as an Asian Immigrant in the bible belt of Tennessee, I had a hard time growing up as a non-Caucasian girl in the South. I didn’t have elders or mentors – I wanted to give what I didn’t have (but I wanted and needed) growing up. I remembered the words from the training session – “Be honest, be open, be yourself – they can smell the BS.”

Was I going to be a good mentor? I didn’t know, but I kept showing up for the mentoring sessions twice a month and I “played full out”. That was all that YMC had asked of me.

How was I going to be a good mentor? With the support of Tony and Juliana (with Sarah, Leslie, Derrion and Stewart), I was able to watch and learn during the group sessions once a month as they taught the kids (and the mentors) to take risks, take chances to trust, to let people in, to get out of your comfort zone, to play full out, be present and be open.

Would she respond to me? I remember doing an exercise in one of our group sessions, and Imelda shared that she trusted no one. Imelda was a friendly and gregarious personality, but she trusted no one. No one had trusted her – especially her mother. I remember the summer after our first year together, we were at the beach for the surfing program. Imelda got off the bus, walked over to me and confided in me that she took my advice. She had finally and nervously had a conversation with her mother about their relationship. Ime told me that they were really able to talk to each other for the first time. In between her tears, Ime told me, “She said that she was really worried about me. She told me she really loved me.” My heart was so happy for her.

Would we have anything in common? As the oldest daughter of an immigrant family, having most of the household responsibilities, reading/translating English for your parents, taking care of the siblings, having an overprotective mother who didn’t want you to make the same mistakes as she did, and struggling financially. Is this me or Ime? TTP – “Trust the Process!”

Would I make a difference in this person’s life? During the last Big Bear Girls’ Initiation retreat in October, Ime shocked me. Ime has the most infectious smile and she is a personality, but she has always struggled to express her thoughts and feelings. But one night during the Street Poets led activity, Ime wrote a poem and read it sharing it with all of us.

The Light

I found a Light when I needed it the most.

I found a Light that has understood me from the start.

I found a Light that told me things will turn out right.

I found a Light that helped me find my light.

My light is now strong and bright.

My light was found with the help of the Light.

The Light that loves me,

And I have learned to love mine.

Juliana kept looking at me as Ime read the poem, and half way through it I started bawling when I realized that she had written it about me. I was floored. I was amazed. I was humbled. She found her light. She learned to love her own light. For Pete’s sake, she called me the Light! I’m crying again…

In the YMC Mentor Training Manual there’s a quote by Keith Geiger: “The most crucial role for a mentor is to be an adult who has time for a young person, who cares about that young person, and who believes in that young person. This relationship may provide the ONLY stability a student knows, and the only time anyone spends quality time with the mentee.”

Sometimes there’s so much crap in front of us (in our lives), it’s hard to see anything else. And maybe, all I really can do or am supposed to do (while I have the chance) is raise the mirror in front of her face and flicker on the light so that she can also see what I see in her.

Ime hears gunshots at night. Her younger brother is not allowed to walk around the neighborhood by himself because of gang violence. Ime works to help support her family. She has struggled and gone through depression. But Ime’s also the first in her family to graduate from high school. Ime is caring, compassionate, loving and kind. She just got her driver’s permit (yikes!) and she’s optimistically thinking about college and trying to figure out what she wants for her future. Ime is a beautiful human being, I love her and I am very grateful to have her in my life.

I remember one Initiation Retreat two years ago – it was a week after my mom had passed away from breast cancer. I had committed to be a mentor for the retreat…and I went. I remember the first night as the girls started getting off the bus, the first thing I heard was Ime’s voice, “Where’s Danni?” I felt her voice chipping away at the numbness in my heart. I showed up and the girls and the staff showed up for me. My heart was breaking, I was confused and I was calm all at the same time.

One night during the retreat, sixteen year old Dineisha who had lost both of her parents came up to me and said, “Maybe your mom wasn’t able to take care of you the way she wanted to, but now she can.” The wisdom and resilience of these youth – who have grown up with violence, born to drug addicted mothers and absent fathers, who have been neglected, abused, ignored and forgotten by their community and the government – astounds me. The growth and transformation I’ve been privileged to witness in these beautiful young men and women – humbles me. The unconditional love, support and dedication of the YMC staff – inspires me.

I have learned that when I show up for these kids trying to reflect back to them what I see in them – their gifts, their talents, their potential, I have found that people show up for me in my life and reflect back to me what they see in me – my gifts, my talents and my potential.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself...Serve and thou shalt be served.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The focus of this program will be on the one to one relationship between mentor and mentee, with emphasis on developing happy, healthy lives, trust, self confidence, empowerment and a vision for the future.” Change 2 lives, become a mentor – indeed.

I love your guts YMC!

Sawubona (I see you),

Danni aka La Lupe