Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Lorraine & Cynthia

"I want to thank you for being there for me through everything. There was never a day that you didn’t call to see how I was doing. You made sure we went to different and I experiences new things with you. In this program I learned that no matter what people can count on YMC and to be helpful with others and much more".

-Cynthia

You Can’t Make This #*%t Up!

It was my deep honor to be invited to participate in a Sweat Lodge Ceremony Friday evening with a group of respected men and elders looking to initiate a new vision for the collective work of guiding youth and nudging culture.

When you do these things you never know what magic doorways might open for one to receive guidance. So much can happen when you surrender yourself to the medicine of sacred healing space, experienced together with our instant community of men, within the timeless womb of Mother Earth, in harmony with the ancestors.

So, trying to be open to whatever message comes through I crawled into the lodge in the traditional manner offering prayers to “all my relations” and sat in the dark.  As always I prayed for those who could not be with us. One whose spirit I always invite into all ritual ceremonies is our boy Jose who is languishing in a prison in Oklahoma.


What I didn’t expect is how powerfully he would show up.


Just after I invoked his spirit, I began to feel a pain in my side - in the region of my gall bladder.  I identified it as a “phantom” pain, since my gall bladder had been removed a few years back after a serious gall stone attack.  The pain was identical to that which I felt when my gall bladder used to act up.  As the ceremony progressed the pain became so bad that I almost passed out. With my head in a dizzy spin, I held back my feelings of shame to ask the leaders if I could take some water so that I wouldn’t have to leave the lodge before the ceremony completed.  The support of these men was heartwarming. No judgment, just acceptance. 

Then it came back to me. This happened before, it just wasn’t me.  On our first Mentee Initiation Retreat seven years ago I was awakened at 3am by one of our mentors to tell me that Jose was experiencing severe pain in his side. I got my friend Orland, a gifted healer. As we made our way over to Jose’s cabin Orland spoke of “phantoms” working on Jose. Our young man was in such severe pain that he winced just trying to bend his knee, let alone sit up to talk with us. In one of the most remarkable things I have ever witnessed Orland conducted a healing that seemed to elevate the temperature of the room several degrees and culminated with him spraying water from his mouth. What conscious, subconscious, psychoactive or otherworldly forces that were called upon I can’t say.  But within a few minutes Jose was sitting up and the pain was gone.

So, back to the sweat lodge. After the water was passed I felt some relief and shortly thereafter the pain had completely subsided.  I’m still processing the lesson being offered, but one of the things that came to me was how much grief and rage we are working to help our young people deal with now. (This is always heaviest just after the holidays.)  We end up helping them carry it because the weight that young people carry in this world today is almost unbearable without mentors. After the sweat, I shared my experience with Orland and he reminded me that the gall bladder is connected to anger and grief.

Really, you can’t make this #*%t up.

Tony LoRe, CEO / Founder,
Youth Mentoring Connection/Urban Oasis

PS Thanks Chris for making the invitation.

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Leo & Ronnie

"I want to thank my mentor for teaching me that I could succeed in life by focusing on my goals. He showed me what I have to do in order to reach my goals. I knew he cared about me because he listened to my problems and helped me find an answer to the things that I am going through. In this program I learned that every one has different ways to achieve there goals and that every one is talented in their own ways".

-Ronnie

When you don't feel like you're doing enough...

It is the daily efforts, one by one, of caring people that turn into movements that end up changing the world. The recent events in Egypt didn't spring up over night even though it seems that way. There have been many voices connecting one by one to other voices, adding their messages to the collective consciousness until a tipping point is achieved.

So it is with the work we do. We are creating a movement toward a more conscously compassionate society that understands our responsibilities towards all youth, but especially those in less fortunate circumstances.

So, in another of the unending magical serendipities that we witness between mentors and mentees I receive this story from Ros, our mentor at Warner Bros. (who was featured in last Wednesday's blog as well). It serves as a reminder to all of us when we feel that our individual efforts are not enough.

"Zena told me one day about how she and her friends found a stranded starfish on the beach and saved it by throwing it back into the ocean. She was really pleased with herself and made a big deal of telling me about it. At Christmas I was telling my mum about the difference in Zena and what she wrote for me at Christmas about how I make such a big difference in her life. My mum then produced a card she had recently bought about making a difference and said I had to read it... I couldn’t believe what it was about (you’ll see!) so I...mounted it to make a card for Zena’s birthday. She was blown away by it and the coincidence."  This is what it said:

One day, as a wise man was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

"Sometimes we feel like we are not doing enough. I think we can never do enough but I think this card shows that if you just help one person and that’s all you ever do, then at least it’s enough for that one person. Just look at how many people you’ve helped to make that difference!"

humbly,
Tony
CEO/Founder, Youth Mentoring Connection

Make a difference.  Change Two Lives!  Become a mentor!

CHLA JR Family Night

Mentors get a chance to meet the families of the Mentees and learn about how they are a significant part of a mentee's life.

Journey Through Mentoring.

I thought I was still young at 37, that is until met Zena, my 17 year old mentee with multi- colored hair and multiple piercings, having volunteered for the WB mentoring program. As it turns out, I don’t have a clue what goes on in a 17 year old’s life, especially one from South Central LA, who’s afraid to go out after dark because of the gangs and who’s not even sure what nationality her father is, let alone who he is. Her 9 year old sister has a different father and he’s not around anymore either. Her Guatemalan mother works all hours in a factory to make ends meet and when she had cancer a few years ago, Zena took care of her and her young sister.

The situation for all the other kids in the program isn’t much different, some of them have even been in gangs but have managed to get out, sometimes like David at the cost and sadness of leaving their family hundreds of miles behind to keep them safe. Apparently it’s no myth of the danger of trying to leave a gang.

Birthdays are celebrated as an achievement, some don’t expect to see the next one. Isn’t this the stuff we just watch on the TV?

I had no idea what to expect from the program, I certainly had no idea it would make me laugh and cry as much as it did. The kids are encouraged to find their voice through various group activities, sometimes fun activities, sometimes serious. You can’t believe the contrast between their humor and spark through the fun activities and their vulnerability in the serious ones. We watched one of the strongest and most entertaining personalities, Marcus, a 6ft tall young black man, hang his head and describe how small he felt as he tried to apologize for accidentally bumping into somebody, but they just called him a nigger and hurled plenty more verbal abuse at him. I don’t think I can describe in words the atmosphere in the room as he relayed this incident and just how worthless it made him feel. Usually he had us in stitches but this day he had me in tears.

As for Zena, there was just something about her that made me want to get to know her and so I was very pleased when we were matched. As it turns out, she really wants to play the violin and loves to listen to classical music to de-stress. I play the violin and have a degree in classical music. We also found out more recently that we share the same Aquarius star sign so it seems we were drawn to each other somehow.

But now what? After a few group sessions, we started one-on-one sessions. This is where we could spend much more time getting to know each other but she soon stopped showing up to sessions. Since we only met every other week, a month could go by with little or no contact.

Then one Saturday we had agreed to spend the afternoon together. It wasn’t the first time we were meeting outside of the program, it wasn’t the first time I slightly nervously drove into South Central to pick her up, or the first time I got to see her gangland neighbor’s work on the building opposite – the name of their gang in 6ft high lettering sprawled across a warehouse wall. The artistry is actually quite impressive, if only they would put their talent to something more worthwhile.

However, this time she wasn’t there, and wasn’t answering her phone, or my knocking at the door (whilst the neighbors looked on wondering what the white girl was doing hanging around these parts). I waited for a while but after no sign gave up and went home. I was relieved when she showed up to the next session but this was a group session (group sessions and one-on-one session are alternated throughout the program) so we didn’t have much time to talk. But fortunately this was the poetry writing session where street poets come in to give guidance on poetry writing.

Everybody writes a poem before those that are brave enough are encouraged to read them out, cue more tears as the kids read out their heart wrenching stories. I will never forget Kike, another big strong young man who blew his heart open and ran out of the room in tears as he finished reading. Witnessing this, we were left to wipe away our own tears and pick up our jaws off the floor after tough guy Kike finished relaying the struggles and disappointments of his life in a few hundred powerful words.

Incidentally, Kike just graduated from high school - something he didn’t expect to do a few years ago.

I took my opportunity to write my poem about Zena and how I was feeling and my frustration at her “testing” of me, how I just wished she believed I really was there for her. This turned out to be our turning point. When we were asked to hand all the poems in at the end, she handed her own in but kept mine.

I think Zena expects to be let down. One of the things she told me was that she didn’t expect me to show up that particular Saturday I went to pick her up. Her father has never tried to have anything to do with her and her last mentor left the program to have a baby. Zena is very mature for her young years and understands that her last mentor had other important priorities and it wasn’t that she didn’t care. But I think from experience she expects to be let down whether it can be helped or not.

In the last few minutes of the poetry session as we were all saying goodbye, I rather sternly pointed out to her that I was committed to this and that it took both of us to be committed to get anything out of it. She was holding a couple of cookies at the time and just looked up and meekly said “cookie?” as she proffered said cookies in my direction. I took that as an apology for her absenteeism and she’s never let me down since.

Now that she was showing up, we got to talk more and this is when I began to realize just how little I know of what goes on in a 17 year old’s life. I literally don’t understand most of what she tells me, especially about school. It probably doesn’t help that I was brought up in England in a completely different system. She’s into music and so am I. I thought working for a record company before WB would help here but apparently not - the only band she likes that I know or have even heard of is Daft Punk, and even they are getting old now!

Something we definitely have in common is our sweet tooth so I started bringing her different chocolate treats from England which she loved. In return, one day she presented me with an all American bar of Hershey’s milk chocolate. I was more touched by the thoughtfulness of the gesture than she probably realized.

Zena loves film and would love to be an actress so when we manage to meet outside of the program, I try to take her to the movies. We went to see Toy Story 3 at El Capitan which she loved. Afterwards they had the extra entertainment where you could meet the characters or play games related to the movie. Zena decided she wanted a picture of us sat on an oversized armchair. As she handed her camera to an agreeable passer by, she turned to me and said “look cool.”

Those words struck instant panic in me. I’m just not cool. And I don’t have multicolored hair which puts me at an instant disadvantage. She struck up a funky pose whilst I crossed my legs, uncrossed them, leant against the arm of the chair and generally felt as awkward as possible. The picture was taken anyway. Zena looks cool. I don’t. In fact, we look like chalk and cheese but somehow we still manage to make a connection.

Some mentors have trouble getting more than a few words out of their mentee. We don’t have that problem, the only problem I have is the trouble in understanding most of what she tells me! She knows this but she also knows I keep listening anyway and I keep asking questions to try and better understand. I found out at the end of the program that this was very valuable to her. I don’t think there are as many people in Zena’s life that have time to really listen as there are in mine.

Taking part in the mentoring program is not always easy. I had a lot of doubt that I could do it, especially when Zena wasn’t showing up - I thought she must not like me and I didn’t know what to do about it. Her phone was constantly disconnected and she had little access to email so communication was very hard but now every time she gets connected again, she is the one to get in touch and I just trust now that she will be in touch when she can. This is big progress for us.

The program is so rewarding, especially when you hear that only about 24% of kids graduate from high school on average in their area but of those that take part in this program, 92 to 100% graduate - it just shows how far a little bit of encouragement can go to motivate them, as well as seeing a world outside of their world. There are those at the start that are so shy they can barely look you in the eye to say hello, but by the end they find the courage to speak to the whole group even though you can see they are still scared and still finding it difficult to speak with confidence, but at least it’s a first step and for them, it’s a huge one.

We are just beginning the next program and I’m very happy that Zena is back as she starts her final year of high school – I can’t wait to see her graduate and I have no doubt that she will. I’m excited to really start to get to know her. The last program seems like it was really only an introduction. This year she has declared that she is going to teach me how to be cool. In return, I will try to be a good student - but mainly, I just want to be there for her.

Rosalind - mentor to Zena

Odyssey - Haiku Writing 1.12.11

The end of the year provides the opportunity to look back, review, and reflect. The beginning of a new year provides the opportunity to look forward and invite into our lives the things that will make us fulfilled.In this session the mentees received the opportunity to write a Haiku as a medium for expression.With the help of their mentors the mentees wrote about some of the goals and plans they want for the year.

Game of Life

At the Paramount mentoring Program, the returning mentees played the game of Life with their mentors