TMI

(TOO MUCH INFORMATION)

I really did fight becoming a part of the avalanche of social media for as long as I possibly could. I had heard and seen the outrageous things our teens were posting on this thing called My Space, and I wanted none of it! I already knew enough thank you very much, and I was going to hold on to that tiny little life boat floating down my favorite river – denial. But, I was coerced by a certain Irish geek, that it would benefit YMC in the long run – so I did it. I hung the cattle bell around my naïve neck and plunged into the Facebook abyss. It was fun at first. As a matter of fact I became pretty obsessed. Finding friends from long ago, checking out what my nephews were up to 3, 000 miles away in Colombia, and fulfilling a voyeuristic need I never knew I had. I posted my status like a duty to humanity. I hoarded friends to validate that “you like me, you really like me!” And oh yeah, I promoted this phenomenal organization I am privileged to work with.

It was a good run for a while, until it happened. My “babies” started to “friend” me. Past and present mentees found me and wanted me as their friend! I loved it! My ego was being nicely stroked – I was cool. In the throws of my infatuation, I checked for people’s status throughout the day – I have always admitted to being nosy so this was heaven! Harmless right? NOT!!!! Suddenly my “pure as the driven snow” kids were posting all their business. What they did the night before, with whom and how much, pictures of themselves that could only qualify as soft porn, and of course all and any criminal activity they partook in. FOR REAL????? ARE YOU KIDDING????? This is exactly why I avoided that other website! Now I have to gouge my eyes out, and get a lobotomy. Thanks!

Seriously though, it is imperative that our youth learn that not only is it unnecessary to post how many time they are going to the bathroom, but that colleges, employers and law enforcement use these sites to evaluate, verify, or indict our young people and their activities.
Our society is loosing touch with each other – let’s peel ourselves away from that glossy screen and look into each other eyes and talk. And let’s go by this general rule – if you wouldn’t show it to your mom, don’t post it!

Juliana

Friday's Follow-Up

"A jug fills drop by drop." The Buddha

Tony's Blog: OMG Daisy is Happy!
Tony reveals his joy and happiness about mentee Daisy. Daisy came to YMC a shy and scared young girl. She has blossomed over the years through the mentoring process. She is now a happy, thriving young woman. Daisy so "gets" the importance of mentoring that she too has become a mentor. As Tony states: "You (Daisy) are the answer to so many questions about what makes this work fulfilling."

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee - Tina & Noe
Noe admits that having an older person to talk to helps out a lot. To Noe, Tina is the mother he never had.

I love us!
Juliana talks about an incident between two young men. The YMC staff acted quickly to prevent anything negative from happening and helped to heal the emotional effects.

Beautiful weekend! Get outside!
La Judy

I love us!

“That was my favorite part of the day!” Tony exclaimed talking about how he and our staff jumped into action when two of our young men were about to throw down at one of our sessions. He beams as he recall how he and Free, our youth support staff, instinctively foresaw when Juan had had enough of Jose’s goading and were on him before he could actually land a punch, while Monk took over facilitation seamlessly. “I love it because, we can’t do anything about it until it shows up – and it showed up!” 

This is why I love us… because we welcome our youth to show up with their wounds, because we run towards what is scary, when most would run. Because we go there – yeah, I said it, we go there. We create the space where our young people can access their emotions not matter how much it may frighten them. Where we challenge them to write their “Last Words”, and for the first time Graciela silently weeps and talks about her shame at never having expressed love towards her brother, or where Alicia talks about how the scar she got in a car accident makes her feel ugly, or when they finally find their voice during our poetry session like Jonathan did on Tuesday at our Paramount session. He wrote:

In my dreams I see myself helping my mom, and getting her worries out.

Showing her I lover her and thanking her for working hard for my brother and me.

In the night I wish I had a father who would help m and play soccer with me.

I cry and cry when I see kids having fun with their father.

I pray to God that one day I become a man with money to help my mother

And help those who need help.

I am so thankful to God for the family and friends I have,

But when I wake up, I wonder if these are just dreams.

As Jonathan wept speaking about his longing for a father, he knew he was surrounded by a community that would not judge him because he had heard mentors and mentees speak about the scars that still stung them.

“Our gifts lie next to our wounds” – and oh the gifts they have brought us. So here is to our wounds! Celebrate them, explore them, accept them and then welcome the beauty that hid behind the pain.

Juliana

Adams I - Slang Pictionary

In this session the mentors and the mentees from Adams Middle School had the opportunity to engage in a fun game of Slang Pictionary. They were given a variety of old slang words. Each person in a team through drawings and gestures had to help their teammates figure out the meaning of the word.

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee- Tina & Noe

"Tina, well I have to say that you mean a lot to me. We use to talk about all of our problems that we have gone through in our life. I believe that having an older person to talk to about your problems helps you out a lot. You are friendly and if I return to mentoring next year I would choose you again. If I don’t come back next year I would like to be in communication with you. You’re like a mother I never had!"

-Noe

Tony’s Blog: OMG Daisy is Happy!

This work that we do with a population of wounded and neglected young people can be filled with heartache and tragedy. Often people ask me “how do you do it? How do you see so much pain and handle so much grief without getting depressed?” I usually answer in a philosophical way. Today my answer is “Daisy”.

Daisy came to us a severely wounded, shy and scared little girl. The old phrase “quiet as a church mouse” comes to mind. The past that she endured had left her with almost no self-esteem and clearly no reason to trust adults. However, something inside convinced her that she needed a mentor. I remember asking her early on why she wanted to have a mentor and she sat silent, unable to answer. Eventually I got an almost inaudible “I don’t know” (the most common phrase uttered by teenagers). I asked her if she really wanted to be in the program and with eyes unable to make contact she managed to respond with a barely perceptable affirmative nod. So the adventure begins.

Daisy’s experiences in mentoring had their highs and lows. Through it all I saw this young lady begin to break out of her shell and blossom. As time went on I was fortunate enough to witness the transformation of Daisy as she went through many difficult initiations, each time calling on an undefeatable soul to come back stronger than before. (Maybe someday I’ll be free to tell the whole story.)

I saw this young lady find herself and develop a strength that is hard to imagine, but wonderful to behold. She sacrificed for her family, putting many of her dreams on hold to work to help support the family so that her younger siblings could start to develop their dreams. It wasn’t easy and we had many a tearful session in my office. But she endured and continued to blossom into a powerful young woman. She learned to trust and allowed her present mentor, Suzanne Rico, a strong role model and successful television personality to take her under her wing and help her shine even more. Now she wants to become a news anchor at Univision, inspired by her mentor, but doing it her way. She stopped putting her dreams on hold and is creating a career for herself in TV news while attending Cal State University at Northridge. Recently Daisy participated in a surf contest with us at Rincon Point. Miss “quiet as a church mouse” now finds herself a spokesperson for our mentoring programs, often speaking in front of groups numbering in the hundreds. She has given back by becoming a mentor and jokes about the irony of ending up with a painfully shy, quiet and untrusting mentee. Payback is a ‘you know what’.

Today, many years of “Tony, I don’t know if I can take it any more” are replaced by the e-mail that I just received with the subject titled “Happy Friday”:

HI TONY!!

oh my gosh! I am having such a great month....i am extremely happy regardless of all the cuts that have been done at work doesn’t affect me anyway. I can't even explain how happy i am i should be stressing with school deadlines I’m not...my trip to davis was great! and im going back this weekend. my birthday was great...So one of my friends is throwing a party at the W Hotel in hollywood on sunset. I'll email you the info. Im so excited to go to davis this weekend. i get to see liliana again...she is doing GREAT!!! yeah my co workers are tripping out on me cuz "im too happy and im smiling way too much" lol i cant help it i have no reason besides the fact that this month is the month of my bday and i've decided to embrace it and enjoy it just like im feeding off this high from suzanne she is soo happy and im happy for her just like she is with me. im high on happiness! lots of hugs and kisses i love you so much and i hope i get to see you soon!!!

Daisy

Thank you Daisy for bringing so much love and joy into my life. You are the answer to so many questions about what makes this work fulfilling.

Humbly,

Tony

Tony LoRe
Founder/CEO
Youth Mentoring Connection/Urban Oasis

Founder
Boarding House Mentors

Friday's Follow-Up

"Independence is happiness." Susan B. Anthony

Tony's Blog: Griselda-1, Racism 0
Tony shares about his trip to S.F. State College with mentee Griselda. His feelings of pride turn to anger when he thinks about how our society has failed the vast majority of inner city kids who are not going to college.

Tuesday with Mentor and Mentee - David & Angel
Angel has learned that in this program everyone needs a push, help to grow and someone to care for them. David did this for Angel.

And I will never leave you alone
Sarah shares the joy of helping the 13 year olds in the Adams Middle School program. She wants everyone to know that we are not going anywhere, we are there for them!

Nice weather, have a great time!

La Judy

And I will never leave you alone.

As a slightly OCD program coordinator, I'm always elated when kids are responsive, mentors are consistent, and everything goes according to plan. But for better or worse, the core work really happens when things get messy.

Case in point: two months ago we began a Tuesday evening cohort with Adams Middle School. All the kids were new to mentoring - they were deferential, engaged, and had 100% attendance at several sessions. I thought it was a dream come true! It turns out, it was just a honeymoon period. Now that they're comfortable with us, the fun has started.

I've learned that we have a trio of boys who are neighbors, and need to spend every waking moment together - much like middle school girls heading to the bathroom in a pack. They are way too cool for school. They are alternately angry and wiltingly shy. Two out of the three are being hit up by gangbangers on a regular basis. They will literally turn sideways to avoid eye contact when I try to talk to them. They like to do things like run away as soon as their mentors arrive.

I love them so much.

I had the following exchange with their pack leader yesterday after I'd been talking to them for a few minutes:
B: Man, can't you just leave us alone?
Me: I will never leave you alone.
B: No, I mean like, right now!!!!!!!

You know what's so great about taking crap from tough little 13-year-olds? That they're engaging with me. That somewhere, deep down inside, I imagine they really like the adult attention. That I've seen kids like this crack open, three years later. I'm keeping the faith that they will too, if we can keep them with us.

So, I say, dish it out, little man. We're not going anywhere. And now, I get to hustle to support these mentoring relationships, which have gotten that much more complicated, but that much more real.

Sarah