The Half Boy's Lament

Each October we bring about 50 young men and 50 young women up to the Big Bear Mountains for an Initiation Event patterned after indigenous Rites of Passage.  It is always a soulful healing experience and lives are changed forever.  As amazing as the work on the mountain is there's always a little trepidation coming home.  How do we hold onto these gifts that we discovered?  How do we allow the medicine to keep working once we are back to the dangers of our everyday lives?  This poem speaks to the chance that we can:

Went up to “Big Bear” to let myself heal
And search for answers at the medicine wheel
Crossing the footbridge, I enter and bow
Got caught slippin by spirit
       “You in my neighborhood now."

Finding myself in a fight for my soul
Four directions: my allies, to help half become whole

     Seared by fire, healed by flame
     Drowned by water, new life to claim
     Dragged across earth, cured in the pain
     Whipped by the wind, which whispers my name

Back at home among friends and hosts
Old habits summon like restless ghosts
Anger and heartbreak so hard to tame
But the river invites me
      And river knows my name

Mountain air smells of pine, the city can have a stench
The smallest offense makes my fists start to clench
To lash out at others and shift the blame
But the wind whispers new truths
      And air knows my name

When my heart goes dark and only rain is falling
When my forehead is heavy and depression comes calling
I could answer with the pipe, or the bottle I claim
But I’ve been held by the earth
      And earth knows my name

When enemies insult or friends betray
And rage burns inside and I’m called by old ways
There’s medicine now to deal with the shame
I’ve been baptized by fire
      And fire knows my name

I have seen the crow fly with the dove
Can no longer strike out at ones that I love
I called for healing and healing came
I was bitch slapped by spirit
      And spirit knows my name

When petty excuses pull me off track
I can look to the mountain to pull myself back
The trees bear witness to what I became
Fear still surrounds me
      But mountain knows my name

The half boy’s lament “there’s no medicine here”
Then he jumped in the river as he held back a tear
Neither he nor I will ever be the same
To this old vagabond he said… “I love you”
      And the boy knows my name

I am an earth father, inviting you to come home.
I’ll build us a fire so your purpose is known
Let water bring peace to all that you do
The wind will bring magic

     I know your name too

peace and blessings,

Tony
Tony LoRe
CEO & Founder, Youth Mentoring Connection

From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

Reflections after 4 days in the Big Bear Mountains with 18 mentors and 45 young men from some of the most difficult neighborhoods in Los Angeles, using elemental knowledge, indigenous practice, ritual and love to awaken our wounds, heal, discover our gifts and accomplish together

what we cannot do alone. 

There is also calm after the storm

A subsiding of feelings born

From love for young men torn

Between faith to homies mourned

Fear of the gods we scorned

And new life wanting to take form

We went to the mountain to remember our names
Given by spirit before nightmares came
Informed by the wind, water and flame
With a prayer that the streets may someday change
The earth under our feet won’t feel the same
When anger meets love and trust trumps blame
From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

Youth asks me: Can I have the life I desire?
The one I asked for when facing the fire?
Can I learn to forgive the thief and the liar?
And release these habits in which I’m mired.

To walk this earth as the man I wish to be
I must forgive the thief in me
The one that stole my dignity
Will you absolve me first? That’s my plea
Will you look past my actions to really see?
The wounds that need healing inside of me
My actions are a scream that “I” must become “we”
Until then no man is truly free
“in lakesh” – you are the other me

Will the elder in me find the love to maintain
My purpose when faced with this mountain of pain
That descends from the heavens like torrential rain
Yes “from the heavens” is correctly named
God sends us this challenge, it’s simple and plain

It’s ours to tame judgment and blame

From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

So break my heart, I can take it

Challenge compassion, maybe you’ll wake it

Up in me, so I don’t have to fake it

I steal from your youth just a little bit

The ingredients of life. I’m hangin onto it

Mix in some wisdom for a perfect fit

It’s a grand feast. Let’s partake in it.

Coming down from the mountain we’re never the same

Transformed by god's breath feeding our flame

Can both youth and elder hold onto our game

Through each other’s hearts we remember our name

From soul to spirit is the hood I claim

Tony LoRe

Want to experience some of the Retreat?

Hear the beats of our young men drumming at the Retreat.

Click to hear music file

A quick slideshow from our Retreat